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Watching the darkness burn away...

So, today is my 6 month anniversary of being on plan. I have never stayed on plan for more than 4 months at a time.

I'd like to discuss some old sparkpeople blogs I wrote. In one I had made a goal to be down to 245 by June first. It is now April 19th, 6 months in, and I'm down to 235. Need to go back and re-evaluate that. ha.

I also said I planned to stay on plan for one full year, to be dedicated. I have been for the last six months. There are mistakes, but there are never excuses. Which was part of my goal.

Then, there was this quote from this one particular blog that still rings so true for me:

"I am changing. I am just...I am becoming a new person, every day. I'm falling into myself and just little by little, I'm destroying who I was, the person who used to destroy me, and I'm becoming someone better. 

 It's hard to see inside sometimes, with all that darkness, sometimes, we need to light a match and watch the darkness burn away, to face the monsters hiding there, waiting to attack. To watch them, under the light, and your personal scrutiny, become less powerful, and seem, honestly - pathetic and small, meaningless. Most of all, powerless over you. "

There are  no clues in that blog as to what the hell I was talking about, but it was on spark, so I assume it was food and all the issues surrounding it. It was one of my very early daily bogs, maybe day 5. It's interesting to go back and see how I've held on to those same ideas, the same goals. I've surpassed a lot of them, I've managed to still have hope. Really, it's what keeps me going. Sometimes the hope that there is something better waiting for me, not to stumble on it, but to go and find it myself, to make it happen, is all there is. But even on the hard days, it's enough. 

Just like I said in a blog post from early on, when it was really just a hope or a dream or a wish, "This time, I am prepared."

This time, I AM prepared. 


  1. Happy 6 month anniversary! I love blogging and looking back at what I wrote at the beginning and seeing how much has changed since then :)


  2. You've done great!

    6 more months to one year! :) You can do it.

  3. Congratulations on 6 months on program. I am so proud of you. Getting past month 3 has always been a killer for me. Your post just gave me a mini goal idea. :) Thanks!

  4. Thanks everyone!

    135: I had never made it more than 4 months before, ever. Glad to be of service as well! ;)


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