"Discipline is remembering what you want...."

Looking back over the last six months is interesting. I started on plan on October 19th, I went gluten free and vegan shortly after. I remember days of binging at the chinese buffet...who am I kidding? Weeks. I remember never drinking water, and napping all the time, never being active, expending the least amount of energy possible. I remember that I ate out about 5 days a week - sometimes more than once a day - and there were days of appetizers (one for me, one for joey) a meal with a salad and dessert, milkshakes, etc.

I would go to bed after pigging out and lay on my side and it felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. Frequent heartburn, weight bearing pain in addition to my fibromyalgia pain and shortness of breath at the least sign of exertion.

I remember this misery

Now, it's 6 months later, and I can't imagine how much better I will feel in another 6 months. I feel so much better now, doing laundry and carrying my basket up and down the steps is easier, any activity is easier. I can get up off the floor with ease, my mobility has increased, my heart never feels like it'll pop after I eat, I eat food that makes me feel better, not worse, and I exercise because I know I want the best for myself and that is a way to give myself the very best. I feel good when I sweat and it's because I'm peddling away on my bike or dancing or doing strength training and I feel good knowing it's not just from walking at a slow pace up the street and breaking out into a severe cold sweat because I'm just too fat to move. Now, I move. I dance, I celebrate my self, my weight loss, what I've gained in life lessons learned as well. I have lost 64 lbs and today...

Today, I feel amazing

I haven't forgotten the struggles, even though these days they are more few and far between than they once were. I remember cravings that hit at 3 a.m that meant a trip to rite aid for a pint of ben and jerry's was in order. I know that I did this to myself, that I am responsible, but still, I am taking pride in how far I've come. A lot of women on my forums say they don't believe in rewards for weight loss because they did this to themselves so why should they get a reward? I plan on getting a pair of custom fit jeans when I'm at goal, and I will rock those suckers. :) I think this time I might actually be okay, I think I might get to where I want to be, and I feel scared to say it, but I think I'll stay there too. 

I've always been one to say "you never know what the future holds." But I see the enormity of what I did to myself to get to 299 lbs, and I can honestly say, I never want to end up back there again, but more than that, I just can't let myself. I can't.

In my first blog post here, I said, "Sometimes you have to fight a battle more than once to win it." and I never thought I'd be standing here saying, I'm winning, for once, I am winning.  If discipline is remembering what you want, well, I can't ever forget where I was, where I am, and where I want to be now that I've had a taste of what good health can bring you. I remember, and I say, discipline it is then. 

64 lbs down, 60 more to go!