"We may think there is willpower involved, but more likely...change is due to want power. Wanting the new addiction more than the old one. Wanting the new me in preference to the person I am now." -- George Sheehan
I've always had an addictive personality, I overdo EVERYTHING, so it's good that I stayed away from drugs and alcohol and cigarettes and all that throughout my life.
I've stayed away from most negative things that are harmful to your health and mental well being...except food in excess.
I am a food addict
I hear a lot of my friends tell me that they don't want to get 'all obsessed with dieting' and they want to live their lives like a normal healthy person. I get that, I do. Wouldn't it be fabulous? Unfortunately, I not only have no desire for such 'normalcy', I also think I would be incapable of it. Like an Addict who goes to AA/NA meetings and becomes obsessed/addicted to recovery or religion, I have become obsessed/addicted to my own recovery, my own journey towards wellness.
I honestly feel like if I stop obsessing on certain points, if it's not always in the forefront of my mind, I will fall back into bad habits. I might not, but I'll probably never know. I am too scared. It's like the girl I went to school with who had been off heroin for a couple years, but she was scared to go off methadone because she thought that she would slip back into heroin addiction, even though the methadone at that point didn't get her 'high' or anything.
There's always this fear for me:
I have that same fear. Although it's no secret that I am trading one addiction for another, an obsession...it's okay though, because if my options are to stay fat, unhealthy, and die a premature death, or be totally obsessed with being the healthiest me I can be, and honestly at this point I feel those are my only choices, then yeah, I'll go ahead and be into getting healthy over being into binging.
I haven't binged since October 14th. I haven't even gone off plan since October 19th when I first started this journey. We don't have the luxury of abstaining from food like an alcoholic can abstain from alcohol, but we can abstain from trigger foods that will send us plunging into a nightmarish world of binging and weight gain and guilt. I don't know about any of you, but I've never binged on broccoli and if I did, good for me. ha.
So if you're trying to decide just where you fall on the weight loss spectrum, food addict in recovery who trades one addiction for another, or someone trying to fall into the 'normal' category, don't feel bad if you end up focusing 'too much' on being healthy, at least it won't kill you. Also, you're in good company. We can get together and chat about delicious recipes and our favorite exercises.
Maybe someday things will be different, but if they aren't, it's a good thing I'm using this focus of mine to write a book. ;)
Are you a food addict? Have you traded one addiction for another? Are you happy with the outcome?