I don't like the food but the food likes me

"We may think there is willpower involved, but more likely...change is due to want power. Wanting the new addiction more than the old one. Wanting the new me in preference to the person I am now." -- George Sheehan

I've always had an addictive personality, I overdo EVERYTHING, so it's good that I stayed away from drugs and alcohol and cigarettes and all that throughout my life.

I've stayed away from most negative things that are harmful to your health and mental well being...except food in excess.

I am a food addict

I hear a lot of my friends tell me that they don't want to get 'all obsessed with dieting' and they want to live their lives like a normal healthy person. I get that, I do. Wouldn't it be fabulous? Unfortunately, I not only have no desire for such 'normalcy', I also think I would be incapable of it. Like an Addict who goes to AA/NA meetings and becomes obsessed/addicted to recovery or religion, I have become obsessed/addicted to my own recovery, my own journey towards wellness.

I honestly feel like if I stop obsessing on certain points, if it's not always in the forefront of my mind, I will fall back into bad habits. I might not, but I'll probably never know. I am too scared. It's like the girl I went to school with who had been off heroin for a couple years, but she was scared to go off methadone because she thought that she would slip back into heroin addiction, even though the methadone at that point didn't get her 'high' or anything.

There's always this fear for me:

I have that same fear. Although it's no secret that I am trading one addiction for another, an obsession...it's okay though, because if my options are to stay fat, unhealthy, and die a premature death, or be totally obsessed with being the healthiest me I can be, and honestly at this point I feel those are my only choices, then yeah, I'll go ahead and be into getting healthy over being into binging.

I haven't binged since October 14th. I haven't even gone off plan since October 19th when I first started this journey. We don't have the luxury of abstaining from food like an alcoholic can abstain from alcohol, but we can abstain from trigger foods that will send us plunging into a nightmarish world of binging and weight gain and guilt. I don't know about any of you, but I've never binged on broccoli and if I did, good for me. ha.

So if you're trying to decide just where you fall on the weight loss spectrum, food addict in recovery who trades one addiction for another, or someone trying to fall into the 'normal' category, don't feel bad if you end up focusing 'too much' on being healthy, at least it won't kill you. Also, you're in good company. We can get together and chat about delicious recipes and our favorite exercises.

Maybe someday things will be different, but if they aren't, it's a good thing I'm using this focus of mine to write a book. ;)

Are you a food addict? Have you traded one addiction for another? Are you happy with the outcome?

"Courage is the hallmark of a warrior"

Are you traveling this path alone, or with your significant other? Joey and I started on this path in earnest on October 19th 2010. He eventually went veggie, I went vegan and we've both become pretty health conscious. He's lost about 22 lbs, I've lost almost 70 now. (He doesn't have nearly as much to lose.) Exposure Therapy Joey has a fairly wide streak of social anxiety. He came with me to the gym the day I got my free 3 day pass earlier this week. He even came on the tour of the gym with me, which was panic inducing for him. I had butterflies, but he was shaking and miserable just sitting in the waiting area after the tour, and he was all alone. Today I asked him to sign up for the 3day pass. I know right now he doesn't have the time or the drive to get a membership, he just wouldn't use it enough for it to matter. But I wanted him to expose himself to the idea, I think exposure therapy is good for him, in many ways. I think it can help a lot of peop...

"Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving."

I looked at this blog for the first time in two years the other day. I wanted to reference a post in another piece of writing. I had completely forgotten that I had revamped this site, and I like its look now. I do honestly miss writing here. So, I might try and liven the joint up a bit. Check back soon! Where am I now? I am going for a physical next Friday. It will be the first one I've had in a year and a half. I have been gaining and losing the same 20 pounds my entire life, it seems. I have had some severe health issues in the last couple of years, like heavy shit that I'm not going to bore you with right now. Either way, my immune system decided to go bust. I have spent close to a year trying to improve it. I'm eating pretty healthy, I take vitamins now, and immune-boosting gummies, and zinc and blah blah blah. I was also suffering from chronic dehydration. Don't let yourself get there kiddie winkies. It's a bad time. I have spent the last three months or ...

Cookbook giveaway! (Appetite for Reduction) Enter now!

This contest is for U.S residents only: Okay, so I have a few ideas for some giveaways that I'm planning on doing over the next few months. This is the first one, the next one I'll do once I hit 100 followers cuz it's a bigger prize and I'd like as many people as possible to be able to enter and spread the word. Contest Deadline: Starts now (April 12th) Ends before midnight (eastern time) April 22nd 2011 For now, I will be giving away a copy of my favorite cookbook, Appetite for Reduction , by Isa Chandra Moskowitz << Her website. The Prize: This book is amazing, a lot of non-vegans think that vegan cookbooks are all full of strange ingredients that are only available at health food stores, but that isn't the case with this book. It has simple recipes made with easy to find and prepare ingredients and nearly everything in the book is between 200-400 calories per serving, and the servings are a good size. I've made many fabulous dishes from this b...

safireApril 2, 2011 at 6:24 PM
:) I'm currently addicted to being healthy and I get a natural high when I'm exercising. I think I'm to the point of overexercising and not being truly happy being "healthy" so I am still trying to be not too obsessive over it. I'm scared of hurting my body by going to extreme also!

Thank you for this post. It responded to my blog post earlier perfectly!
JamieApril 4, 2011 at 8:26 PM
Im definitely a food addict. But i'm working past this addiction. I've placed a minimum on the amount of money I can use each week to keep me from using my money on food.

I like to get a frappe or iced mocha latte...and you know how many calories are in that? Yea, me neither. But it's definitely a lot!!!

This way, I'm only allowing myself to use 10 dollars a week. I have to either save the money each week to get something I really want (like new shoes? or jewelry? or make-up? idk haha). And I'm finally saving money in the bank!! So I'm not going to over binge or get a 'snack' or drink from Tim Hortons..I hope

Thanks for the post!
Beyond WillpowerApril 4, 2011 at 10:31 PM
safire: yes that was totally my subconscious inspiration, I had forgotten I'd posted that. haha.

jamie: That's a good idea, I so rarely eat out anymore, when I do I usually feel like, 'what a waste of calories.' ha.
My Metamorphosis~April 5, 2011 at 7:52 AM
LOVE your blog!

I am a food addict myself. I have a thing for cake.. pretty cupcakes and anything topped, filled or floating in cream!

I have found my most success with small meals so I don't find myself hungry... and planning my days two or three days out. I am still learning for sure.. just had a fiasco with 100 cal snack packs.. ha!

Beyond Willpower

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