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Climbing back to the top from rock bottom

I read a post on a weight loss forum today. It was a woman asking for help because she tracked her calories for one day, went way over and then gave up.

I've been there. I know that everyone thinks there is a magic bullet and they have just yet to find it, you can tell by the way their eyes glaze over when they ask how you lost weight and you tell them eating healthy and exercising. But that just isn't it, there is no magic bullet.  People have asked me, what was 'the moment', that aha moment, where I knew that I was going to stick with it this time.

Honestly, I'm not sure.  There was a day where I said I'd watch my intake, like a million other days I said I'd watch what I'd eat over the years. The only thing that was really different, was that I had admitted I was a binge eater. I watched that very first episode of ruby and realized therapy was where it was at. When I started addressing the binge eating in therapy, when I joined online support groups, it really seemed to make a difference. I spent years making light of my weight situation, "Oh I don't eat emotionally, food is just sooooo tasty." Which it can be, but it can also be healthy, but who was I fooling? Oh wait...myself.  Once I got on board with the idea that my weight problem was just as much in my head as in my stomach, things changed. The entire approach changed.

I can't recommend educating yourself enough. If you are an emotional eater, a binge eater, I suggest seeking some type of therapy, trust me, it could shave years off your weight loss struggles. I wish I had admitted it to myself sooner.

How was I supposed to stop binging when I didn't even acknowledge that I did it? Ridiculous.

A girl on the forum said something to the original poster, something I say all the time, you have to want it more than you want anything else in the world. You have to want it more than that second helping, more than that cookie. I had gotten into the habit in the past of asking myself when I wanted ice cream or junk,

"Is this going to be the pint that pushes me over the edge into diabetes?"

When you ask yourself that, and you eat it anyhow, it's terrifying and sad, talk about rock bottom. I know, I did it, I didn't care enough about myself I guess. I had the knowledge that diabetes runs in my family, that I was borderline as it was, that my dad died of diabetes complications at the age of 47 after losing both legs and going blind before his kidneys finally failed. He made the choice to continue drinking with diabetes, I'm sure somewhere in his head after losing one leg he thought, will this be the drink that makes me lose the other leg? Will this be the junk food or the alcohol that will kill me? He made his choices. I'm making mine. 

Addiction is difficult. It's hard to want anything more than your substance of choice, but it's possible, rock bottom is a harsh reality, but anything is possible and climbing out from the bottom is possible too. 

If you're having a hard time today, ask the tough questions, and try your best to want to be healthy more than you want that cookie.

How do you guys deal with these moments? Have you had an 'aha moment'?


  1. Excellent post, Alicia! I have said these same things myself. It's been marvelous sharing your journey with you and watching your priorities evolve.

    You know my 'aha' moment. Once I was completely disabled with a spine injury, and the scale got to 296, and I had no options other than to continue gaining into more pain...I took control of my life and started defying my doctors' prognoses. I could not be happier.

    You should post this on your SP blog too so even more people see it.

  2. renee, thanks so much! I posted it spark as well. :D


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