Skip to main content

Climbing back to the top from rock bottom

I read a post on a weight loss forum today. It was a woman asking for help because she tracked her calories for one day, went way over and then gave up.

I've been there. I know that everyone thinks there is a magic bullet and they have just yet to find it, you can tell by the way their eyes glaze over when they ask how you lost weight and you tell them eating healthy and exercising. But that just isn't it, there is no magic bullet.  People have asked me, what was 'the moment', that aha moment, where I knew that I was going to stick with it this time.

Honestly, I'm not sure.  There was a day where I said I'd watch my intake, like a million other days I said I'd watch what I'd eat over the years. The only thing that was really different, was that I had admitted I was a binge eater. I watched that very first episode of ruby and realized therapy was where it was at. When I started addressing the binge eating in therapy, when I joined online support groups, it really seemed to make a difference. I spent years making light of my weight situation, "Oh I don't eat emotionally, food is just sooooo tasty." Which it can be, but it can also be healthy, but who was I fooling? Oh wait...myself.  Once I got on board with the idea that my weight problem was just as much in my head as in my stomach, things changed. The entire approach changed.

I can't recommend educating yourself enough. If you are an emotional eater, a binge eater, I suggest seeking some type of therapy, trust me, it could shave years off your weight loss struggles. I wish I had admitted it to myself sooner.

How was I supposed to stop binging when I didn't even acknowledge that I did it? Ridiculous.

A girl on the forum said something to the original poster, something I say all the time, you have to want it more than you want anything else in the world. You have to want it more than that second helping, more than that cookie. I had gotten into the habit in the past of asking myself when I wanted ice cream or junk,

"Is this going to be the pint that pushes me over the edge into diabetes?"

When you ask yourself that, and you eat it anyhow, it's terrifying and sad, talk about rock bottom. I know, I did it, I didn't care enough about myself I guess. I had the knowledge that diabetes runs in my family, that I was borderline as it was, that my dad died of diabetes complications at the age of 47 after losing both legs and going blind before his kidneys finally failed. He made the choice to continue drinking with diabetes, I'm sure somewhere in his head after losing one leg he thought, will this be the drink that makes me lose the other leg? Will this be the junk food or the alcohol that will kill me? He made his choices. I'm making mine. 

Addiction is difficult. It's hard to want anything more than your substance of choice, but it's possible, rock bottom is a harsh reality, but anything is possible and climbing out from the bottom is possible too. 

If you're having a hard time today, ask the tough questions, and try your best to want to be healthy more than you want that cookie.

How do you guys deal with these moments? Have you had an 'aha moment'?


  1. Excellent post, Alicia! I have said these same things myself. It's been marvelous sharing your journey with you and watching your priorities evolve.

    You know my 'aha' moment. Once I was completely disabled with a spine injury, and the scale got to 296, and I had no options other than to continue gaining into more pain...I took control of my life and started defying my doctors' prognoses. I could not be happier.

    You should post this on your SP blog too so even more people see it.

  2. renee, thanks so much! I posted it spark as well. :D


Post a Comment

Thanks for your comment!

Popular posts from this blog

How Intuitive eating (did not) work for me

So I have spent roughly the last year and a half or more trying to lose weight by eating intuitively. I'm not really great at it. I have lost 30 lbs in a year and a half, it's moving at such a snails pace that I have finally decided that the only thing that works for me is tracking, and even though in my head I know I won't possibly do it forever, I have to go back to it.

So, Joey and I are tracking again, so far so good. It's only been a few days, but it at least hasn't been a struggle. I figure we will stay where we are calorie wise and after about a month and hopefully some loss (not being too focused on the scale though, it's been my downfall in the past) we can reduce our calories a little bit at a time.

I know this is the right thing to do, but I feel kind of down that I did so poorly with intuitive eating. Then again I probably wouldn't be fat if I were good at that sort of thing. :P Here's to being "On Plan." :D

Also, my job has finall…

I Was a Fat Bride

Our wedding pictures are the first thing you see when you walk into our home. 

Joey and I have been together for over 22 years. We've both gained and lost a lot of weight over the course of our relationship. Then we regained, and re-lost, you know how it goes. We got married on our 19 year anniversary, which is in March.  We had decided to get married just four months prior. So after what our friends teased was a 'brief 19 year courtship", we decided to just go ahead and do it. I know there are a million blogs and articles about losing weight for your wedding. This is not one of them. I had four months to lose weight. I don't really even remember what was going on, but I had NO desire to diet or attempt to lose weight and so I just...didn't. Joey lost a bit of weight so he could wear that fancy vest. I appreciate the effort, he looked handsome in it. :)

We thought we would never get married. We didn't see the point, we kind of still don't, and luckily, be…

Fluvia Lacerda....or, life's short, have fun.

So I just read this post about 'letting it all hang out' in the summer, by Fluvia Lacerda, a Brazilian plus size model. She. Is. Gorgeous.

First, let me say, my 'thinspiration' pics are always plus size models. I have no desire to be skinny. I want to ROCK my curves.

Anyhow, this is what the lovely Fluvia Lacerda looks like:

So she writes this blog post about how you should accept your fat body and don't care about the judgements from other people, etc, etc. I'm thinking to myself, she looks amazing, who is judging her? Then I google her and find a 'celebrity weight gain' site that is talking all kinds of smack on her 'chunky arms' and her 'expanding waistline'. I want to cry. Seriously. If you can look like THAT and still get insulted by these people (who are the equivilant to me, of frat boys yelling "fat bitch" at me from their porch) then I just hate this world. 
I ASPIRE to be as 'fat' and 'chunky' as Fluvia!…