Beyond Willpower

There are some things in my life that were once priorities that have been put on the back burner. I feel like due to this medication it's pointless to try and lose since I can't seem to. But that is ridiculous because I need to be healthy whether I'm losing or not. So I need to get on track with the gf/vegan eats and exercise in a big way. (I've eaten dairy some lately and it's ADDICTIVE. No joke.)  So starting today, gf/vegan all the way. I need groceries, but I'll just eat tons of rice if I must just because I can really FEEL a difference in my body when I eat gluten. It aggravates the living hell out of my fibro, I've been feeling so inflamed lately that even just sitting here has been burning my legs and back. I need to exercise. I KNOW that it helps my fibro. Like my pain doc says, if you don't use it, you lose it with fibro. It's a vicious cycle. You lay down because you're in pain but in the long run laying around just causes more p...

Well, this has been an interesting year. One year ago today I believe, I gave up eating at the Chinese buffet. Joey and I talked about it and decided to do the same thing with mad mex. If I can cut out the buffet where I nearly LIVED then I can cut out mad mex. This year has been full of ups and downs. If anyone tells you weight loss is easy (like a friend of mine has recently said. eyeroll.) They are wrong. It's hard work, and sometimes, there are set backs. Today marks my one year anniversary of deciding to change my life. yet my October Spark goal calender sits here empty. How sad. For the last two months the docs have been tweaking my meds. Work has become more difficult and I stepped down as manager and cut my hours so I can be less stressed, and therefore, less insane. In the last two months, since the med tweaking and the craziness started, I've gained 10 lbs. TEN POUNDS. AUGH! The frustration makes me not want to leave the house. It's downright tragic. I worked ...

Where has my spark gone? So the other day I commented on a blog post written by  Rejecting 300  that was about, where do you find motivation once it's fizzled out? Basically, I am committed, I keep plugging along, whether I'm motivated or not. It's not as fun when you're not motivated, but it still gets the job done. I haven't been to the gym in forever, I've been lucky to have one day off a week. BUT, this past week I had some time to relax and this coming week I will have two days off IN A ROW! (I'll be out of town staying at my moms since last week didn't work out, but it's okay, she has a treadmill!). I told Rejecting 300 that I was going to go to bed, and wake up the next day and hope that spark had returned. It didn't though. But, I stayed on plan, I tracked, and at the end of the night when Joey asked if I wanted to go out to eat, I said no, I'd had my cals. I must say I made myself proud. :) Getting it back Then today, I woke ...

Okay, I've been losing and regaining and relosing the same few lbs for weeks now. Time to buckle down. I'm a very goal oriented person. I am working a 12+ day stretch coming up here and it's going to be very difficult, but I think now is the time to figure this stuff out. My goals for the next 14 days: 1.) Strict 1500 cals a day 2.) NO tortilla chips (I'm an addict) 3.) No deep fried food 4.) Make it to the gym 6 days in the next 14 for 45 mins a day. 5.) 64 oz of water a day I'm actually starting to keep a google Calender, I'm going to schedule in gym time because trying to wing it is just far too difficult with the way I work. My goal is to lose at least 5 lbs by August 10th, which is my next weigh in for the study.

Do you like when people notice your loss? Or does it bother you? I ran into a guy I hadn't seen since I've lost weight the other day when I was feeling particularly craptastic about a 2 lb gain. When he saw me he looked shocked, and said, "You look fucking AMAZING!" Like three times, ha. That day I was feeling so down on myself, it really helped, and now I've passed the 3 days on plan point and am on day 4, which means I'm officially back on the perfectly on plan track. I know some people hate being noticed, but I must say it made me feel like people, whether they say anything or not, have to be noticing by now. On plan and at the gym: I went to the gym yesterday for 45 mins. I'm going again on Tuesday and Thursday. I'm doing a liquid fast today. Protein drinks and fresh juice. Just for today though. Next week I will try and do two days. I just need to buy more fruit and veggies. But I should be able to get by with carrots and apples for just tod...

Well, the last two days have been better. I started having a protein shake for breakfast again, cutting back down to a moderate amount of carbs and that has pretty much gotten rid of carb cravings. I'm thankful for that realization. Today I'm headed to the gym. I only went once last week because of pain, but after a horrible flare last night, it seems to have eased up, so I'm going to go today and take it easy. I'm going to go 3 times this week for 45 mins each. Same next week, and the week after that, an hour, until I can build up to 5 days a week for one  hour. I feel like things are finally getting back on track. My schedule at work is starting to ease up, I've had plenty of time to work on my book. I hired a freelance editor and she is available for me starting October 3rd so I have plenty of time to get the rewrites done. I'm never off on Sundays! I"m off today and it's going to be an awesome productive day. Later tonight Joey and I are goi...

Well, this is going to be a ranty blog. I've once again been maintaining, but it's mainly because I'm not putting in the effort. You don't put in the effort, you do NOT see the results. Things have been really stressful lately and really I'm just glad I haven't gained. Work has been a little stressful, then friday I lost my wallet on the bus, my very expensive wallet full of my life (including i.d and house keys, yes, we changed the locks that night.) I've been having trouble finding a bra that fits. For awhile I was wearing a 42 DDD, then a 40F, and though the 40F fit better than the DDD's, it still seemed big in the band. I remeasured myself today to find that I SHOULD be wearing a 38G, so I bought one and am finally feeling comfy. I watched LaRhonda's episode of extreme makeover: weight loss edition tonight and it really lit a fire under my ass. It seemed like things weren't easy going but she kept  hitting those goals. What I wouldn'...

Some new challenges to overcome I've been doing less than stellar. I didn't lose this week, didn't gain, but didn't lose. Having too many of those weeks. While I was stalled for no real reason I could discern before, this week was all my fault. We haven't really had groceries, so eating out was happening quite a bit, even though it was relatively healthy, it's still most likely packed with sodium. I've also not been going to the gym as often as I should, honestly my pain has been flaring a bit and the fear of making it worse has kept me home.  I'm 226 lbs and I want nothing more than to hit 224, I know it's a dumb number, heh, but it'll be more than halfway out of this decade, which I am SO looking forward to. This week I plan to hit the gym today, Thursday and Saturday. I'm trying to pace myself, since going so overboard the week before last set me back with my fibromyalgia pretty badly.  I've decided to go back to physical therapy a...

So this past week has been slightly less insane, but I used any downtime to relax or go to the gym or write. I'm working on a fiction book as I may have mentioned. It may be done by next Tuesday night. I'm so close! My legs have been flaring and so I haven't been making it to the gym, yesterday was the first day in about a week that I managed to feel well enough to go. I was even doing my pt wrong the last few days and hurting my ankles in the process. I went yesterday though, and I did an hour there. I took it easy though, I just did the treadmill, the recumbent and the crosstrainer so I wouldn't be dying today, and I'm feeling good today so it looks like that was my best bet. I'm going today after this event that is happening at work. We didn't really have any food in the house last week, so I was eating out too much and the scale reflects that as I haven't lost anything at all this week. We went grocery shopping the other day though so now I...

Last week (which ran straight through Monday of this week) I worked 6 days in a row, a few of those days I worked both jobs, and when I wasn't doing that I was at the gym at the start of the week, so I have had NO time to blog. This week promises so far to be better, no double duty (unless I get called in today and friday, since we're hiring now, I assume there's a good chance I might!) boooo. Oh well, extra money. I was off yesterday, first day off in almost a week, I went out to eat with friends and I came home and wrote, I'm writing a fiction book, I can't remember if I've mentioned that here or not, I had stopped writing for awhile, something had gotten in the way. Anyhow, I am almost done, will probably finish up in the next 2-3 weeks with the rough draft. It's one of those books that will most likely say, "a novel" in the corner. Joey is forever teasing me that those are all I read, and it seems that is what I've written. It's a com...

"I know the price of success: dedication, hard work, and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen." -- Frank Lloyd Wright Do you consider yourself dedicated? Do you do what it takes day after miserable day for the results you want to see?  Watching extreme make-over weight loss edition the guy said, "You did a third of the work, you get a third of the reward."   TRUTH! Rising to the challenge Yesterday was a challenge for me. It was one of those days where for starters, I didn't want to wake up. I just wanted to stay in bed for another hour, but no, work was calling my name. So I got up and got ready.  I had my gym bag all packed, I took it with me, and as the day went on, I started to pay the price of skipping my PT for two days in a row. Time to get back on that! I was sore, and achy, and the gym was the last thing I wanted to do.  I sat on the bus and struggled with myself to NOT get off on my regular stop and just go home. I t...

Well, apparently the gym was just what I needed! I finally broke my plateau. I was stuck at 230 lbs for four miserable weeks. I am now, officially in a new decade! 228 lbs! This morning joey, who is a late sleeper, and I, got up and went to the gym before work. We got there around 11. I stayed until 12, then headed off to work. Joey was able to stay until 130, then I think he walked the 2-3 miles to work. He seems excited. I'm excited that he's excited. ha. I'm excited in general. I don't have much to say today, I'm just REALLY happy to be down to 228 lbs and wanted to share it with you guys, this plateau has been frustrating, but just keep in mind, we've gotta have patience. Maintaining is at least not gaining!

Are you traveling this path alone, or with your significant other? Joey and I started on this path in earnest on October 19th 2010. He eventually went veggie, I went vegan and we've both become pretty health conscious.  He's lost about 22 lbs, I've lost almost 70 now. (He doesn't have nearly as much to lose.)  Exposure Therapy Joey has a fairly wide streak of social anxiety. He came with me to the gym the day I got my free 3 day pass earlier this week. He even came on the tour of the gym with me, which was panic inducing for him. I had butterflies, but he was shaking and miserable just sitting in the waiting area after the tour, and he was all alone.  Today I asked him to sign up for the 3day pass. I know right now he doesn't have the time or the drive to get a membership, he just wouldn't use it enough for it to matter. But I wanted him to expose himself to the idea, I think exposure therapy is good for him, in many ways.  I think it can help a lot of peop...

So your first time in a gym, did you feel like all eyes were on you? Like, who let the fat girl in? Or maybe, "She won't last a week..." These are things that went through my mind when I was touring the gym, at an hour of the day when it was FULL of young, fit people. Turns out people of all shapes and sizes and ages go there, but at that moment it was the worst time to be full of fit people. ha. I truly felt so judged. I know it's ridiculous. Everyone told me that once you are there and working out you aren't paying attention to anything but how well you're doing on your machine or your pace, or whatever. That really-  it's a big ole' ME fest and that is all you're thinking about. I didn't buy it, but once I got there, other than being relieved to see the occasional chubbette (So far I've been the biggest person at the gym, that I am painfully aware of.) I don't really pay attention to other people. Luckily I'm too busy wipi...

Do you guys belong to gyms? Do you like it? Is it tough to work it in? So the other day I signed up for a free 3 day trial at the gym up the street. A friend signed up with me and so off we went.  They have a pool! Which is why I chose them over some other gyms. I love swimming, even if it pretty much makes me feel like I'm gonna die, and watching nekkid old ladies walk around is less than awesome... Anyhow, we went in, got dressed and hopped on the machines for a bit. We were only there for 80 mins because my friend had to go to work, but I did a stationary bike, then a cross trainer thing that is sort of like an elliptical, and then I swam. I'll fess up here and say I was only able to swim like 9 or 10 laps. (Lost count I think?) Anyhow, my bikini bottoms were too big and were sliding down, I got a new pair yesterday. So hopefully that will make it a bit easier. I feel when I'm doing certain activities like I can't get a full breath, kind of the way my seasonal...

So I watched a couple episodes of season 4, I think it was 8-9 and 10. It is so difficult to watch her backslide. If any of you are not familiar, google ruby gettinger, she has a show on the Style network about her journey from a high weight of 700+ lbs. She's now down to about 359, but she was down to 302 at one point recently. I see her struggling and I can FEEL it. I feel the way food has so much control over people like us, with a clear addiction. I can see this past week when I was pmsing and even as I feared for slipping back into old bad habits I still ate things I shouldn't, I pictured myself ending up back at 299 lbs or more and wondering how I got there, but still I ate. Luckily for me it was only 1 week of maintenance instead of a few months and a 50 lb gain, but to me it was enough to scare me straight back on track. I'm looking to the future, seeing myself riding roller coasters this summer with my sister and bf and other friends at Kennywood,: I hope ...

So, it's been about 3 weeks and until the last few days I had only lost about 2 lbs. The 230's have been a real pain, very difficult to get out of. My body is testing me, as it is known to do. This is generally the time I feel like I'm getting nowhere and give up. Not this time. As a friend says, "a plateau is maintenance in training." and that is how I'm trying to look at it. It doesn't matter if it's not coming off as fast as I'd like because it's coming off, I know what I've done to myself is tragic and it will be difficult to undo all this damage. I FEEL amazing though, I don't ever want to go back to feeling how I did before. As of today, in under a week I have lost 3 lbs. I'm down to 230 and once I lose 2 more lbs I will have officially lost more than I ever have before. In 2004 I lost 70 lbs. When I gained it back I also regained an additional 40 lbs, so even though I'll have made it back, it isn't back to where I...

So, I wanted to start c25k but my doc is worried about my joints and said that she would prefer if I waited until I'd lost a little more weight so as not to cause more stress on my joints than necessary. I recently got a recumbent bike.  This is the one I got: So, to prevent stress on my joints, but to help build my stamina and endurance for when I am able to start c25k (hopefully June 19th, that's when my second four month goal time allotment ends) I'm doing it on my bike. I mean it's really just interval training, and it will prepare me for 'the real thing' in June. I do a speed of about 10-12 on the bike on low resistance for the 'walking' portion, and then I up it to 15-16 for the "running" portion.  I'm pretty excited about this. Tomorrow is week 1, "run" 2. Tonight I did 10 miles on the bike at a consistent speed of about 11-12 and I feel great. :) I never trust what the machines say for 'calories burned' but...

I think I've mentioned on here that exercise is difficult for me because I have fibromyalgia . Anyhow, for about a month I did really well with exercise. I went from doing about 5 mins a day of lifting very light weights and doing wall push ups to doing 45 mins of dancing and Your Shape Fitness cardio and yoga. For awhile, I felt like this:  This month has been difficult pain wise and it's hard to say, but I think now that I'm gluten free and not due for my monthly visitor for awhile (low estrogen can cause flares), I might be okay for at least a month. I want to take advantage of that. I am seeing my pain doc in February to discuss my lady time pain flares. I have heard  progesterone cream  can help. I also need to get on  seasonique  so it comes less often and lasts a little less time.  After all that I felt a little more like this: Within a matter of days. I had to stop exercising entirely, which undid any progress I had made ...