"Sometimes you have to fight a battle more than once to win it..."

I can't tell you how many times I've embarked on a new Way of Eating and said to myself, "This feels like it'll be it, this feels like this will be the last time I have to do this." Only to fall 'off the wagon' a few months later and disappoint myself once again. If you have a weight problem, I'm sure you've been there.

I won't say this is the last time. Talk is cheap anyhow.

2008 is when all of the changes started to happen that brought me to where I currently am. I was sitting in the docs office, thinking about how I thought I weighed 275 lbs. Below is a pic of me actually at 275 lbs.

I dreaded the scale. Then I thought wow, these jeans are a little tight...When they weighed me I weighed 299 lbs. That day, everything changed. It had to. First, I was devastated and of course against my better judgement I met my bf at Quiznos and pigged out. He asked how the appt went, but I didn't want to talk about it.

Me at 299 lbs

That night I told him the bad news. I have eyes, I do own a mirror. I'm not sure how I thought I could possibly have weighed any less.

I lost a few lbs here and there but didn't accomplish much until November 2008, a few months later when my real dad, who I never knew, died of complications from diabetes. He had lost both legs and went blind before his kidneys finally failed. He was in his late 40's. I'm currently 31. I don't want to die in pieces. I kind of want to live forever. Oh well, the next best thing will do I suppose. Being a healthy spry old lady!

Anyhow, I lost 40 lbs in the few months after he died. Fear is an okay motivator, but motivation is fleeting. I slowly regained 28 of the 40 lbs lost. Then, I started watching documentaries about the food industry, obesity, health and wellness and in July 2009 I went vegetarian. My weight kind of stayed the same for a good long while, bouncing up and down. I was eating too much processed mornigstar crap and pasta. Quick foods with ingredients I usually couldn't pronounce. Then, on October 14th 2010 I had my last binge. I'll bet the lady at the Chinese buffet thinks I'm dead. In four days it will be 90 days since that binge. In November 2010 I adopted a vegan diet. I cut out gluten as it hates me, and I don't really eat deep fried food. (it's a trigger). 

Since October 19th, I have lost 29 lbs, bringing me to a total of 41 lbs lost. I broke through that 40 lb barrier.   

This is me at 299, and 259

I change my hair a lot. (it's currently dark brown, but I won't be updating pics until I lose more)

Anyhow, I don't think that people get to be morbidly obese without (most of the time) suffering from food addiction. I know I used food to celebrate, to numb, to drown out things I'd rather not feel, much like a drug addict does. Stressful day? Something fried and salty and fatty will fix it, even if only temporarily....

Like I said, talk is cheap. It's the commitment, the doing, the getting up and exercising and eating right even when I don't want to, even when the motivation has fled, that will lead to me proving to myself that this time, I will do it.  I can't say this will be it for me forever, but I have committed to staying On Plan for 365 days. So far, I'm on day 82. Commitment is there when motivation is lacking. It's what keeps you  moving in the right direction because you know there is just no other way. Basically it's a matter of "make progress, or make excuses." I'm done with excuses. 

Me in 2004, at 190 lbs, the lowest weight of my adult life and my first 'big goal' is to get back there. 

My ultimate goal is 149 lbs. Pretty much 50% of my weight.