Beyond Willpower

Making changes I know that everyone says "You have to do it for you" regarding lots of changes we make in life, including weight loss. I also know this is an unpopular opinion to many, but I have been in a place in my life in the past with other issues, where I was just not strong enough, nor did I care ENOUGH about myself to make the necessary changes. I'm bipolar and when I was younger (around 19) and my current bf (now of 16 years) moved in, I saw how the bipolar was terrorizing him, I sought treatment, I spent 5 years trying meds that DID. NOT. WORK. and caused me tons of suffering all because I had to at least TRY. I tried numerous therapies, medications, hell I even tried to meditate. Hard to do with manic racing thoughts though. ha. Don't stop believing Anyhow, the point is, today I am here, 31, an age I never thought I'd make it to due to my bipolar. Every DAY after 30 is a gift. The fifth year of my med trials and treatments, I was taken off all ...

So I watched a couple episodes of season 4, I think it was 8-9 and 10. It is so difficult to watch her backslide. If any of you are not familiar, google ruby gettinger, she has a show on the Style network about her journey from a high weight of 700+ lbs. She's now down to about 359, but she was down to 302 at one point recently. I see her struggling and I can FEEL it. I feel the way food has so much control over people like us, with a clear addiction. I can see this past week when I was pmsing and even as I feared for slipping back into old bad habits I still ate things I shouldn't, I pictured myself ending up back at 299 lbs or more and wondering how I got there, but still I ate. Luckily for me it was only 1 week of maintenance instead of a few months and a 50 lb gain, but to me it was enough to scare me straight back on track. I'm looking to the future, seeing myself riding roller coasters this summer with my sister and bf and other friends at Kennywood,: I hope ...

I read a post on a weight loss forum today. It was a woman asking for help because she tracked her calories for one day, went way over and then gave up. I've been there. I know that everyone thinks there is a magic bullet and they have just yet to find it, you can tell by the way their eyes glaze over when they ask how you lost weight and you tell them eating healthy and exercising. But that just isn't it, there is no magic bullet.  People have asked me, what was 'the moment', that aha moment, where I knew that I was going to stick with it this time. Honestly, I'm not sure.  There was a day where I said I'd watch my intake, like a million other days I said I'd watch what I'd eat over the years. The only thing that was really different, was that I had admitted I was a binge eater. I watched that very first episode of ruby and realized therapy was where it was at. When I started addressing the binge eating in therapy, when I joined online support gro...