Beyond Willpower

So, I noticed my weight fluctuating WAY too much on my old scale, I KNEW it was being FAR too kind. If a scale can 'be kind'. Anyhow, I bought a new one, and so now I see my old one was WILDLY off, and I have no idea how much I weighed at the start of the month or how much I've lost, realistically. I know I have dropped a pant size and that is usually like 15-20 lbs. So, I've probably lost about that much since before xmas. Starting fresh, I'll weigh in next week with results from this new scale. Gah!

I have lost 6 lbs this week. I may have actually lost more than 3 last week, and less than 6 this week, but my scale needed the batteries changed, so overall since the 1st of the month, regardless of how or when it happened, I have lost 9 lbs. The only thing I didn't stick with 100% was the keeping eating to a 12 hour window. But I'm working on it! I"m still going strong on not eating out which is probably the main thing that is helping me. I ate out WAY too much. Also, I now have so much more money! Hahaha. Damn shame all the money I wasted eating out! That's money I could have used on make up or skin care! :P Anyhow, just wanted to post a little updated. -9 lbs. Woot. Also, I am completely off the abilify now. Wooooooo!

So, I have kept up with my challenge! I've taken breakfast and lunch to work every day this past week. I've structured my life so I wouldn't get too hangry and eat out if I'm stuck out. I'm going to start bringing granola bars with me, in case of emergency.  I haven't eaten out in a week and I have been watching my portions and not snacking mindlessly (for the most part!) and I have lost three lbs this week! Joey mentioned reading about a study of people who only ate within a 12 hour window every day and they lost 5% of their body weight after so much time, without making any other changes to their diet other than that 12 hour window. So, I am putting a 12 hour window rule on myself, yet another small change that will hopefully, along with the rest, pay off in a big way. I plan to start exercising in the spring. Hopefully by then I'll be a bit smaller and it will be a bit easier, along with warmer, so I can go on walks. :) Starting slowly.

I'd like to post weekly weigh ins on Sundays every day for a year. I have a bad habit of not weighing on weeks I know I did poorly. Accountability is important. I went to Vegas a week or so ago. I gained 2 lbs. What happens in vegas surely does not stay there! Those 2 lbs came back with me for sure, but now, they are gone. I started being more mindful of my food choices and portions when we got back on Sunday. I have lost the 2 lbs I gained in vegas. Reflections on my first week back on the wagon: I am very happy with a 2 lb loss. I didn't do MUCH this week as far as change. Shy of portion control and maybe only eating one treat instead of two or three. I still ate foods I liked, and I just stopped when I was full. (which since I'm taking wellbutrin I can feel fullness. Without it, I can't, due to the haldol.) This is what I think I need. Small changes over the course of the year, that will last me. I've always been a big pusher of BIG change. It was alw...

Our wedding pictures are the first thing you see when you walk into our home.  Joey and I have been together for over 22 years. We've both gained and lost a lot of weight over the course of our relationship. Then we regained, and re-lost, you know how it goes. We got married on our 19 year anniversary, which is in March.  We had decided to get married just four months prior. So after what our friends teased was a 'brief 19 year courtship", we decided to just go ahead and do it. I know there are a million blogs and articles about losing weight for your wedding. This is not one of them. I had four months to lose weight. I don't really even remember what was going on, but I had NO desire to diet or attempt to lose weight and so I just...didn't. Joey lost a bit of weight so he could wear that fancy vest. I appreciate the effort, he looked handsome in it. :) We thought we would never get married. We didn't see the point, we kind of still don't, and luck...

I haven't posted here in 2 years. I have lost about 40 lbs, it was more, prolly around 60, but I've recently regained some due to medication changes. BUT, I have the med thing under control now. I take haldol, which turns off my full signal. I started taking wellbutrin, which turns it back on? I don't know how these things work, dagnabbit! Anyhow, I miss this place, I miss my readers. I've been living with my head in the sand for years. I feel lost, afloat on a sea of ranch dressing or something. I finally feel like I have some idea as to what I need to do. Again* A few posts back, which to be fair, was years ago, I said I was going back to counting calories because even though I know I can't stick to it I had to do "something."  "Something" is not enough. These are SOME of the diets I have tried: Slim fast counting calories atkins south beach keto veganism (for health) Extreme Low Calorie diets Starvation Counting calories Juice f...

So I have spent roughly the last year and a half or more trying to lose weight by eating intuitively. I'm not really great at it. I have lost 30 lbs in a year and a half, it's moving at such a snails pace that I have finally decided that the only thing that works for me is tracking, and even though in my head I know I won't possibly do it forever, I have to go back to it. So, Joey and I are tracking again, so far so good. It's only been a few days, but it at least hasn't been a struggle. I figure we will stay where we are calorie wise and after about a month and hopefully some loss (not being too focused on the scale though, it's been my downfall in the past) we can reduce our calories a little bit at a time. I know this is the right thing to do, but I feel kind of down that I did so poorly with intuitive eating. Then again I probably wouldn't be fat if I were good at that sort of thing. :P Here's to being "On Plan." :D Also, my job has f...

So, our lowering our cholesterol plan   is going well. So far we've implemented everything except two things on that list. (Wine and exercise, still waiting to hear back if we can use the gym at work!). I won't know about my cholesterol until February. BUT, in jan of this year it wasn't that bad. I checked online and nothing was more than 10 points above or below where it needed to be other than my triglycerides which were a little bit higher. I'm cooking at home WAY more often and not eating out so much. I bought a slow cooker so I can make bulk food easier and take it to work. The slow cooker just came yesterday. So that will start tomorrow! In other news, I bought a light therapy box to help my winter depression. Normally by this time I'm feeling down and I'm doing just fine so hopefully this continues to work out! Anyhow, will continue to keep you updated!

Joey and I just got back from a vacation, where I'm certain I gained at least 5 lbs (in crab), but I don't know/won't know because I'm not weighing myself. I weigh myself a week or so before going to the Dr. and that is it. It seems, aside from pigging out on vacation, that I have maintained a 25 lb loss but haven't lost any additional weight to my knowledge. Maintaining it get's a great big 'huzzah!' from me, because I haven't even been doing anything except eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I'm full. I have managed to maintain a 25 lb loss doing that alone. So, now Joey and I are home, and on the same page about our weight loss goals. We are eating meat, but far less of it and have decided to make veggies half of our portion at dinner, a tiny bit of meat and a grain. Tonight we had a giant salad and a bit of chili and rice. It was very filling, I didn't even finish my chili, but I must say it was quite fab. Lean ground beef, ...

Blood work. My cholesterol is high, my triglycerides are ridiculous, my sugar (A1C) is 6.1, all as of last October. I have an appointment for my yearly physical on January 26th. I've been doing all I can to improve these numbers. I'm eating between 7-13 servings of fruits and veggies daily. More on days I'm off and can stay home and munch, and less on days I work. I've decided to start prepacking baggiges of fruits, veggies, and nuts, to snack on while I'm at work so that I can get as many servings in a day as I can. I wasn't going to weigh myself for 3 months, but then realized I need to weigh myself NOW so that if what I'm doing isn't working I can adjust it somehow. I've lost 5 lbs so far on this particular Way Of Eating, and I've lost a total of 25 since my high weight. Woot! Nothin' to sneeze at! I feel like my body is so sick, and I am doing what I can to make it well again. That means eating ALL the fruits and veggies, whole grai...

This is what a binge worthy day looks like: add stress stress and more stress then, just add pizza, that you didn't even have to PAY FOR minus a lunch break and there you have it!  (I'm an optician) we had this kind of day: we have 23 appointments, everyone is showing up PLUS we are taking walk ins for exams, then we're also taking outside scrips who want to buy glasses from us and it's so busy we can't even take a lunch break.  This is perfect breeding grounds for a binge, or at least, some unhealthy eating. Especially since the manager wanted to be nice, (which it was really), and buy us all pizza since we wouldn't get a lunch and this way we could eat on the run. But today was different. I knew last night today was going to be insane, it's the end of the year and everyone has waited until the last possible moment to get their glasses, tomorrow will be equally crazy I'm certain, if not more so.  So this morning I get up 15 minutes e...

So tonight I was talking with my cousin, who also struggles with food issues. She said that cooking something different for herself than what the rest of the family eats was a challenge, because she would just pick off the kids plates anyhow. This is something I never really understood. My mom did this same exact thing when I lived at home. Making herself some small bland dish and watching us chow down on more fatty fare. I said to my cousin, "They should eat what you eat." Now I'm not a parent, never will be, so maybe I'm entirely wrong here. It SEEMS....especially coming from OUR family where most of us have struggled with our weight to varying degrees, that you would want to nip it in the bud so to speak. Get those kids eating healthy before they become a parent making a separate meal for themselves down the line, picking off their kids plates. But then the question becomes, how do you get them to eat this bland boring food you've been making for yoursel...

So, I'm giving beyond willpower a little face lift here, there is a bar along the right hand side of the screen with all your navigational doodads. I'm not really paying attention to my weight until the new year, but I'm not binging or anything, I've lost 3 lbs this week just by reducing the Abilify from 30 mgs to 15. I have a confession...Augh, this makes me really angry. Back in the day our friends would come over and open our fridge and freezer and say "Wow, you guys eat really healthy!" Well, a friend came over recently and looked in our fridge/freezer and said "Wow, you have a lot of bachelor food!" MY. GOD. That was some sort of MOMENT for me. I was SO embarassed and SO upset. So, I've realized what we need to do over the course of the next few weeks. We need to eat all the frozen crap that we have and either eat/give away whatever meat is left in the end and then go SHOPPING! And get some of THIS! It's a process. W...

So....it's been awhile. I'd like to explain my absence. For starters, I had mentioned going on Wellbutrin and that it helped my appetite....well, that turned out to be true to a degree. I did manage to lose about 30 lbs, very.....very....slowly.... But whatever, I was happy to have lost anything. Recently I was hospitalized, and taken off the Wellbutrin, but, put on Lithium. Now, I've been on Lithium in the past, by itself. So I figured this would be a great time to get off Abilify! So, I gained about 6 lbs between the hospital and also came out without the Wellbutrin. I was on 30 mgs of Abilify, and I'm now down to 15. I'm going off slowly, but I can see that it's helping already. I can't wait to be off of it entirely! The last time I went off Abilify (But didn't' replace it with anything else) I was stable for nine months, and in those nine months I lost 90 lbs. I went back on Abilify for the next couple of years, and I gained 130 lbs!!!! I...

Wow. It's been since MAY. and before May, I was already struggling. I've had some issues. For one, I switched birth control. I was trying out one of those ones where you only get it every 3 months. I was getting mine every 6 weeks. It just wasn't working. It also gave me the worst PMS style cravings every minute of every day. If I could have eaten a deep fried, chocolate covered, ice cream topped pizza every day I would have. It was pretty awful. Then, to make matters worse, I went back on lyrica (weight gainer). I stayed on it way past the point where it actually worked. I stopped being gluten free and I even ate dairy because my pain had gotten better. Now my pain is back, the drug isn't working, and it never EVER worked as well as being gluten free and vegan did. Also, I was searching for my first full time job since 2005 when I went on disability. I have now worked my way OFF disability and have gotten a new full time job as an optician. I'm VERY happy at ...

I've been struggling with coming here and writing this blog. I have been steadily gaining weight since last August. I had originally lost 80 lbs and I gained 50 of that back. I was miserable. I've finally gotten on track for realz and have lost my first 10 lbs. I will be adjusting my ticker to reflect what's really going on. I'm not entirely sure what happened. I mean...I ate too much. Yup. But why? What derailed me and what kept me off track? What got me back on track? How do I figure out how to make these backsliding episodes shorter and further in between? I am now at 40 lbs lost. Augh. I just keep telling myself I did it before I can do it again, and then some. I think what originally derailed me was work. I had started working almost full time hours last august-october, it eventually proved too much for me fibromyalgia wise, but during that time I was under a lot of stress and spent a lot of time at work, I didn't bring my own food and the only things...

Okay, so, I'm tracking and exercising. Feeling good. I have another study appt in a month, they weigh me. I'm going to try not to weight myself more than once (at the two week mark) and then once at the month mark. I feel like obsessing on the scale is not a good idea for my mental state at the moment. Not that the scale obsession is EVER good. I just want to do the right things regardless. I've come up with a few new recipes since I've been gone. There's a spicy mac n cheese and a pot pie and I will hopefully get my chili recipe up at some point. I wanted to do it in the fall but that didn't work out. I've had a difficult winter. I got mad at my physical therapist, she was not respecting my boundaries on a certain issue, so I quit seeing her and stopped doing my PT altogether.I'm going to start that back up today. I've been struggling with my moods. It's seemed like I've been tweaking my meds every other month. I hate the effect the seas...

So, I haven't had much to say lately, mainly because it's been a struggle and I feel like you guys are probably sick of hearing me whine. I'm sick of hearing me whine. It's been about a week or maybe a bit more, that I've been doing well. I haven't been weighing,  right now I don't think it's that important. It's more important to get my eating on track than it is to beat myself up for not losing or for gaining .5 ounces or whatever. I've decided to set my goal low. Every 6 months I get weighed and blood work and all that for my study I am doing, and my goal is to lose 20 lbs in the next six months. I know it's slow going, but I think it's all I can handle at the moment. I'm doing well with my food, drinking fresh juices, I think tomorrow I will start tracking again. For the last week I've just been trying to make better choices. btw, I had my blood work (cholesterol, thyroid, sugar, etc) checked in january and I haven...

The first three days... So, my observations of the last three days. They have felt damn near effortless. I don't understand why sometimes it is SO easyt and other times it's nearly impossible to keep the unhealthy food out of my mouth!  I am doing a new fitness challenge as well. 500 miles in one year, and 10k fitness mins in one year. Let's do this... Don't we all start out a new project, diet, new year, with this vigor? This...I can do it, I can take on the world mentality? Over the course of the first few months though, those fireworks start to fizzle, and eventually go out. We all stumble and fall, sometimes we blow a tire, sometimes, against all better judgement, we get so fed up with ourselves that we get out and slash the other three. That's what happened to me at the end of last year. I haven't done myself in though. It's time to get up, and start walking to my destination, car and slashed tires be damned.  I know it's not always going to b...

The holidays hit me hard, and I feel like such a failure, so here I am, tail between my legs, promising a new start. again.  but if there is one thing that is true about me, it's that I have a hard time giving up. Since thanksgiving I have gained... 12 lbs.  Last year I made it through the holidays and even lost some weight. I know that today, is just another day, and that the only extra meaning it may have is meaning that we ascribe to it. But, today is new years day and I got a new healthy lifestyle calendar for Christmas and it feels  like if ever there was a time for renewed energy to focus on weight loss now is the time. Unless I want to start spending money on new clothes, I'd best get on it. I threw out all my old 'fatter clothes' and I'm pretty broke so a new wardrobe is not in order. It's time to get my butt in gear. Joey has gained weight too, we have a tendency to gain/lose together, as I'm sure is no surprise. No more eating out for awhil...