Beyond Willpower

Looking back over the last six months is interesting. I started on plan on October 19th, I went gluten free and vegan shortly after. I remember days of binging at the chinese buffet...who am I kidding? Weeks. I remember never drinking water, and napping all the time, never being active, expending the least amount of energy possible. I remember that I ate out about 5 days a week - sometimes more than once a day - and there were days of appetizers (one for me, one for joey) a meal with a salad and dessert, milkshakes, etc. I would go to bed after pigging out and lay on my side and it felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. Frequent heartburn, weight bearing pain in addition to my fibromyalgia pain and shortness of breath at the least sign of exertion. I remember this misery Now, it's 6 months later, and I can't imagine how much better I will feel in another 6 months. I feel so much better now, doing laundry and carrying my basket up and down the steps is easier...

So, I feel like I have two blog posts in me today. I NEED to write one now, and one later, since they are on two different subjects. So today, I have drank all my water, I exercised for 30 mins, I didn't nap, I worked on my book, I have been on plan. Overall a great, healthy productive day. But mentally, it's been a challenge. I can't seem to get food off my mind. I exercised and then right after watched an episode of Heavy, and I was thinking about dinner being SO far away (probably only two hours from now.) the entire time and it's all I can think of right now. I'm not particularly hungry, I'm just feeling unhinged by food thoughts today and need to write it out. So today this is what I've had to eat so far: breakfast: 2 slices of half inch thick homemade gluten free cinnamon raisin bread with 1 serving of thinnly spread jam. Snack: salad with lots of veggies and a bit of dressing Lunch: Rotisserie style tofu soup with a little bit of rice an...

Well, today was our anniv! Joey and I have been together for 16 years, and to the person who basically asked "HOW?!" in regards to my age, ha, I'm 31!!!!! haha. We have been together since I was 15 and he was 14. :D We had a fabulous day! I woke up and made us breakfast. I made banana, strawberry, kiwi and protein powder smoothies with a bit of Silk and vanilla extract. The bananas were frozen so it was absolutely amazing! Healthy anniversary breakfast smoothies! We also each had a quarter cup of assorted raw nuts...Have I mentioned how much I love my ninja yet? In case I haven't... FABULOUS! We let our stomach's settle by watching a bit of How I Met Your Mother that we needed to catch up on and then we exercised! I did the elliptical for about 5 mins, then I did some kinect your shape cardio, three sessions with the 'personal trainer'. That was 20 mins, and I ended it with another 5 mins on the elliptical. Joey did the kinect while I elliptical...

So today I was reading through some old blogs. I found this blog from the fourth day that I was back on plan as far as my health was concerned. It talked about some truths. Truth: I am a compulsive overeater/binger/emotional eater Truth: I can not do this alone: My sparkpage and sparkfriends. I <3 you all! It's been going on 5 months now, I honestly don't think I've ever stayed On Plan even this long...I lost 70 lbs in 2004 but I lost it in 4 months (and was totally unhealthy). I find it somewhat comforting that not much has changed. I still very much believe these truths to be the way things are, always will be, and will need to be worked at every day. It has gotten easier, but it's always kind of there, in the back of my mind. Fooooooooood will make you feel better! Foooooood to celebrate.....augh.  I'm here for the long haul. I'm not going to leave Spark , I'm going to keep my head together with the emotional stuff, I can do this. If you're i...

This got really long, I hope you guys can get through it! I had written this introductory blog about my weight loss history, my current journey, where I hope to be in the future, and my current accomplishments. One of my current accomplishments is that it is now February 5th and I have not binged since October 14th 2010. Someone asked how I managed to do that. Food addict, compulsive overeater, binge eater, yeah, I'm all of those. I have no doubt that this will always and forever be something I struggle with. I was reassured of that fact this week. I did not do any binging, although I can't say I wouldn't have had I had  more food at my disposal. At the end of the day I had most of my days calories left at dinner so since I had so many, and so did my bf, I asked if he wanted to go to mad mex. (local cal-mex restaurant). I'm going to lay out just what led to me being in a 'binge' frame of mind. I had eaten too little during the day and let myself get wa...

I've never been successful with weight loss. It's difficult to even try and imagine yourself a success at something that you've tried and failed so miserably at so many times in your life. It doesn't feel real. But, you've got to start somewhere. I'm keeping a list of my small successes and milestones. I figure the only way to get to feeling like I am a success at this, is to keep track and give myself a pat on the back for even the smallest success. They will all add up. 1.) Remain binge free for 30 days-- CHECK!   2.) Lose 20 lbs -- CHECK!   3.) Make exercise a part of my life -- CHECK!   4.) Stay 100% On Plan throughout Thanksgiving. -- CHECK!   5.) Get back down to the weight requirement so that I can use the elliptical (250 lbs) --   6.) Get back to my (2nd) shocking high weight, 275 lbs-- CHECK!   7.) Get back to my FIRST shocking high weight, 260 lbs! -- CHECK!   8.) Remain binge free for ANOTHER 30 days! -- CHECK! (60 days down!)   9.) ...