Beyond Willpower

So I watched a couple episodes of season 4, I think it was 8-9 and 10. It is so difficult to watch her backslide. If any of you are not familiar, google ruby gettinger, she has a show on the Style network about her journey from a high weight of 700+ lbs. She's now down to about 359, but she was down to 302 at one point recently. I see her struggling and I can FEEL it. I feel the way food has so much control over people like us, with a clear addiction. I can see this past week when I was pmsing and even as I feared for slipping back into old bad habits I still ate things I shouldn't, I pictured myself ending up back at 299 lbs or more and wondering how I got there, but still I ate. Luckily for me it was only 1 week of maintenance instead of a few months and a 50 lb gain, but to me it was enough to scare me straight back on track. I'm looking to the future, seeing myself riding roller coasters this summer with my sister and bf and other friends at Kennywood,: I hope ...

"We may think there is willpower involved, but more likely...change is due to want power. Wanting the new addiction more than the old one. Wanting the new me in preference to the person I am now." -- George Sheehan I've always had an addictive personality, I overdo EVERYTHING, so it's good that I stayed away from drugs and alcohol and cigarettes and all that throughout my life.  I've stayed away from most negative things that are harmful to your health and mental well being...except food in excess.  I am a food addict I hear a lot of my friends tell me that they don't want to get 'all obsessed with dieting' and they want to live their lives like a normal healthy person. I get that, I do. Wouldn't it be fabulous? Unfortunately, I not only have no desire for such 'normalcy', I also think I would be incapable of it. Like an Addict who goes to AA/NA meetings and becomes obsessed/addicted to recovery or religion, I have become obsessed...