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The other side of binging

So, I've been On Plan perfectly for almost 3 months.

I haven't lost anything for 2 weeks. It's that time of the month though, and mine lasts FOR EV AR, so, who knows, maybe I'll have a whoosh.



The thing that has me concerned though isn't that I haven't lost - so much as where I'm going mentally DUE TO the no loss.

I've had a history of eating disordered behavior along the other end of the spectrum. I binge yeah, but I also have gone through periods of starvation and laxative abuse. (These things don't work out as well as you hope they will. Also they inevitably lead to binging). Anyhow, not losing for 2 weeks has almost immediately put me into the mindset of -- cutting cals. It's never so simple as oh I should cut by 100 and see after a week where that gets me. It's more like, cut by 300...and if that works, hell, go lower. I know this is the start of something bad. So yeah, I'm worried.

I want to be this person:


Not this person:


Ha, it's funny at first but then I think about that night at a friends birthday party when a girl was telling me to shovel in cake so she could take a funny pic. Looking back, it was pretty spot on and sad.

 I need to be very conscience of staying HEALTHY. I can lose and still not be healthy if I do it the wrong way. I mean cutting off a leg - I'd lose some weight but really, that's not ideal. Ha.

I just have to get back to thinking, I have been fat for such a long time, an extra two weeks at a much lower weight than I started at is NOT a big deal. It's also NOT a gain. It's just kind of upsetting to see myself slip back into these thought patterns.

So, do any of you have these types of issues? What are your mental blocks with food, weight loss, exercise...? What are the mental things that have kept you from succeeding? Please comment below!

I know for me, that what comes after the inevitable week of starvation that this mental attitude is heading towards, is binging like crazy and going totally off plan for months if not more. It's all terribly self-destructive and like they say on this forum I love ( 3fatchicks ) "If you blow out your tire on the freeway, you don't get out of the car and slash the other 3." Which is exactly what this kind of stuff is like doing. Oh, I screwed up, might as well GIVE UP ENTIRELY. Makes no sense. I'm working through it this time, I'm not slashing any tires. (except maybe the spare one that looks kinda like this):


;)
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Comments

  1. UnknownJanuary 16, 2011 at 9:30 PM

    I over eat--I have been to Overeater's Anonymous, but haven't gone in 2 months due to health issues and then a tonsillectomy. Which meant 2 weeks of eating soy ice cream, soy yogurt, soy pudding, etc. Not vegan, I have IBS and dairy hurts me, lol. I will be going to a meeting next week. I love the quote from 3FC--I'm on there too. My username is Chickybird if you want to PM me!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Beyond WillpowerJanuary 16, 2011 at 10:01 PM

    I have an ice cream maker! I make vegan ice cream with soy milk and creamer. LOVE IT. Have this book:

    http://www.amazon.com/Vegan-Scoop-Recipes-Dairy-Free-Tastes/dp/1592333923/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1295244075&sr=8-1

    ReplyDelete
  3. vegtasticpantsJanuary 19, 2011 at 2:02 PM

    Wow, I have been here. I went through a phase where all I ate was a muffin and a lean cuisine every day, and about 4 cans of sugar free red bull. I lost like 35 lbs in 2 months, but, ugh, did i look gross!
    I lost a bunch of weight last year, and have only kept it off by finding a good balance. i know that sounds cliche, but, it's true. When you first make that lifestyle change, your tummy will rumble, you will curse at those leftover christmas cookies, and, want to punch every skinny hipster you see at whole foods. But, soon enough, your body really does start to get used to less, as does your brain. You will actually recognize that feeling that so many Americans have forgotten...hunger.
    And, you're right. If you binge, you binge. But, wake up the next day, eat and apple, and remind yourself that, no matter how large the binge, it'll go away. it takes 3500 calories to gain a pound of fat. So, unless you eat an entire vegan cheesecake, it's fixable.
    It's the proccess, not the progress you should focus on. It'll make it a lot easier.
    Hope this helps.

    ReplyDelete
  4. vegtasticpantsJanuary 19, 2011 at 2:07 PM

    Actually, even a whole vegan cheesecake is fixable! Thats the best thing about excess weight. It's never "permanent". On that note, I will leave you with some words of wisdom from my 140lb boyfriend. Every time i put on weight, and get bummed and cranky, he pulls back his shaggy hair and shows me his hairline and says, "At least you can fix your problem! i can't do anything about this (receding hairline)."

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousJanuary 23, 2012 at 8:29 PM

    That woman exercising in the pink outfit looks just like me! I need to get back to the gym after WAY too much binging over the holidays! This time I will get rid of that spare tire... I hope!

    ReplyDelete

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