Beyond Willpower

I've made a weight loss support group on facebook, it's secret, so only people invited can see what we're saying. If any of you are interested, just leave me a comment with your facebook name or addy below. Everyone is having such a hard time I thought this might help!

Okay, I've been losing and regaining and relosing the same few lbs for weeks now. Time to buckle down. I'm a very goal oriented person. I am working a 12+ day stretch coming up here and it's going to be very difficult, but I think now is the time to figure this stuff out. My goals for the next 14 days: 1.) Strict 1500 cals a day 2.) NO tortilla chips (I'm an addict) 3.) No deep fried food 4.) Make it to the gym 6 days in the next 14 for 45 mins a day. 5.) 64 oz of water a day I'm actually starting to keep a google Calender, I'm going to schedule in gym time because trying to wing it is just far too difficult with the way I work. My goal is to lose at least 5 lbs by August 10th, which is my next weigh in for the study.

Some new challenges to overcome I've been doing less than stellar. I didn't lose this week, didn't gain, but didn't lose. Having too many of those weeks. While I was stalled for no real reason I could discern before, this week was all my fault. We haven't really had groceries, so eating out was happening quite a bit, even though it was relatively healthy, it's still most likely packed with sodium. I've also not been going to the gym as often as I should, honestly my pain has been flaring a bit and the fear of making it worse has kept me home.  I'm 226 lbs and I want nothing more than to hit 224, I know it's a dumb number, heh, but it'll be more than halfway out of this decade, which I am SO looking forward to. This week I plan to hit the gym today, Thursday and Saturday. I'm trying to pace myself, since going so overboard the week before last set me back with my fibromyalgia pretty badly.  I've decided to go back to physical therapy a...

So this past week has been slightly less insane, but I used any downtime to relax or go to the gym or write. I'm working on a fiction book as I may have mentioned. It may be done by next Tuesday night. I'm so close! My legs have been flaring and so I haven't been making it to the gym, yesterday was the first day in about a week that I managed to feel well enough to go. I was even doing my pt wrong the last few days and hurting my ankles in the process. I went yesterday though, and I did an hour there. I took it easy though, I just did the treadmill, the recumbent and the crosstrainer so I wouldn't be dying today, and I'm feeling good today so it looks like that was my best bet. I'm going today after this event that is happening at work. We didn't really have any food in the house last week, so I was eating out too much and the scale reflects that as I haven't lost anything at all this week. We went grocery shopping the other day though so now I...

Last week (which ran straight through Monday of this week) I worked 6 days in a row, a few of those days I worked both jobs, and when I wasn't doing that I was at the gym at the start of the week, so I have had NO time to blog. This week promises so far to be better, no double duty (unless I get called in today and friday, since we're hiring now, I assume there's a good chance I might!) boooo. Oh well, extra money. I was off yesterday, first day off in almost a week, I went out to eat with friends and I came home and wrote, I'm writing a fiction book, I can't remember if I've mentioned that here or not, I had stopped writing for awhile, something had gotten in the way. Anyhow, I am almost done, will probably finish up in the next 2-3 weeks with the rough draft. It's one of those books that will most likely say, "a novel" in the corner. Joey is forever teasing me that those are all I read, and it seems that is what I've written. It's a com...

"I know the price of success: dedication, hard work, and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen." -- Frank Lloyd Wright Do you consider yourself dedicated? Do you do what it takes day after miserable day for the results you want to see?  Watching extreme make-over weight loss edition the guy said, "You did a third of the work, you get a third of the reward."   TRUTH! Rising to the challenge Yesterday was a challenge for me. It was one of those days where for starters, I didn't want to wake up. I just wanted to stay in bed for another hour, but no, work was calling my name. So I got up and got ready.  I had my gym bag all packed, I took it with me, and as the day went on, I started to pay the price of skipping my PT for two days in a row. Time to get back on that! I was sore, and achy, and the gym was the last thing I wanted to do.  I sat on the bus and struggled with myself to NOT get off on my regular stop and just go home. I t...

Well, apparently the gym was just what I needed! I finally broke my plateau. I was stuck at 230 lbs for four miserable weeks. I am now, officially in a new decade! 228 lbs! This morning joey, who is a late sleeper, and I, got up and went to the gym before work. We got there around 11. I stayed until 12, then headed off to work. Joey was able to stay until 130, then I think he walked the 2-3 miles to work. He seems excited. I'm excited that he's excited. ha. I'm excited in general. I don't have much to say today, I'm just REALLY happy to be down to 228 lbs and wanted to share it with you guys, this plateau has been frustrating, but just keep in mind, we've gotta have patience. Maintaining is at least not gaining!

Are you traveling this path alone, or with your significant other? Joey and I started on this path in earnest on October 19th 2010. He eventually went veggie, I went vegan and we've both become pretty health conscious.  He's lost about 22 lbs, I've lost almost 70 now. (He doesn't have nearly as much to lose.)  Exposure Therapy Joey has a fairly wide streak of social anxiety. He came with me to the gym the day I got my free 3 day pass earlier this week. He even came on the tour of the gym with me, which was panic inducing for him. I had butterflies, but he was shaking and miserable just sitting in the waiting area after the tour, and he was all alone.  Today I asked him to sign up for the 3day pass. I know right now he doesn't have the time or the drive to get a membership, he just wouldn't use it enough for it to matter. But I wanted him to expose himself to the idea, I think exposure therapy is good for him, in many ways.  I think it can help a lot of peop...

So your first time in a gym, did you feel like all eyes were on you? Like, who let the fat girl in? Or maybe, "She won't last a week..." These are things that went through my mind when I was touring the gym, at an hour of the day when it was FULL of young, fit people. Turns out people of all shapes and sizes and ages go there, but at that moment it was the worst time to be full of fit people. ha. I truly felt so judged. I know it's ridiculous. Everyone told me that once you are there and working out you aren't paying attention to anything but how well you're doing on your machine or your pace, or whatever. That really-  it's a big ole' ME fest and that is all you're thinking about. I didn't buy it, but once I got there, other than being relieved to see the occasional chubbette (So far I've been the biggest person at the gym, that I am painfully aware of.) I don't really pay attention to other people. Luckily I'm too busy wipi...

So, I wanted to start c25k but my doc is worried about my joints and said that she would prefer if I waited until I'd lost a little more weight so as not to cause more stress on my joints than necessary. I recently got a recumbent bike.  This is the one I got: So, to prevent stress on my joints, but to help build my stamina and endurance for when I am able to start c25k (hopefully June 19th, that's when my second four month goal time allotment ends) I'm doing it on my bike. I mean it's really just interval training, and it will prepare me for 'the real thing' in June. I do a speed of about 10-12 on the bike on low resistance for the 'walking' portion, and then I up it to 15-16 for the "running" portion.  I'm pretty excited about this. Tomorrow is week 1, "run" 2. Tonight I did 10 miles on the bike at a consistent speed of about 11-12 and I feel great. :) I never trust what the machines say for 'calories burned' but...

So, I started physical therapy earlier this week and although my pain is worse this week than last, I'm dealing with it a little better, I'm a bit more hopeful. Last week in comparison I had almost no pain, so it's not that bad this week, mostly waking with sore shoulders. Anyhow, since I'm feeling better, I'm exercising more. I had insane fitness goals for myself for this month. They aren't going to happen. Not yet. But, I have been doing 3 or more days of 30 mins of cardio + 1 day of strength/toning for 15-20 mins. I'm getting there. This is in my very near future: (by very near I mean I'm ordering it asap! Hopefully today or tomorrow!) I know that improving my endurance and fitness will help my pain. I'm hoping since the weather is finally getting warmer, that I can increase it all through spring, summer and fall and by next winter I can deal with the pain inflicted by the weather far better than I did this year. Which was, to be fair, f...

Well, today was our anniv! Joey and I have been together for 16 years, and to the person who basically asked "HOW?!" in regards to my age, ha, I'm 31!!!!! haha. We have been together since I was 15 and he was 14. :D We had a fabulous day! I woke up and made us breakfast. I made banana, strawberry, kiwi and protein powder smoothies with a bit of Silk and vanilla extract. The bananas were frozen so it was absolutely amazing! Healthy anniversary breakfast smoothies! We also each had a quarter cup of assorted raw nuts...Have I mentioned how much I love my ninja yet? In case I haven't... FABULOUS! We let our stomach's settle by watching a bit of How I Met Your Mother that we needed to catch up on and then we exercised! I did the elliptical for about 5 mins, then I did some kinect your shape cardio, three sessions with the 'personal trainer'. That was 20 mins, and I ended it with another 5 mins on the elliptical. Joey did the kinect while I elliptical...

So, I started doing the 75% raw on Saturday, my weight loss was slowing, I was losing 1, maybe 2 lbs a week if I was lucky. I'm still big enough that for my size, that is good loss, but a little slow. Anyhow, I've lost 3 lbs in the last 3 days of exercising and doing a 75% raw diet. I need to have lost 10 lbs by march 19th if I want to be on track for my four month goal of losing 40 lbs in 4 months . I'm currently at 6 lbs lost. I still need to lose 4 more in the next 12 days. Not an impossible goal. Hopefully I'll have lost a total of 5 (2 more) before this Saturday while doing this mostly raw thing. I think doing this once a month is a fabulous idea! This was my lunch yesterday: GORGEOUS! Anyhow, today was a 6 hour day at work, around hour 5 I started to hurt, but an aleve helped, which leads me to believe that I have a bit of weight bearing pain unrelated to the fibro. The weather was nice though so not much in the way of fibro pain. I'm sure the exercis...

So I went shopping the other day. I had posted those pics in this blog post  with my before and current pics. I had gone to buy some new tank tops and also picked up that cute lavender type top. I bought two size 3x tank tops along with other stuff. I tried them on before buying them. I came home and was pretty happy with them, put them away and didn't think much about it until later. A day or so goes by and I put one on to wear around in the house with my jammie pants. Suddenly I realize that this shirt is way too big. Joey mentioned it as well, like, why did you buy new clothes that are too big? Wasn't the point that all your old clothes were too big? What is it that I see? Have any of you done this? I was just so confused, what was it that I saw when I looked in the mirror in the dressing room? What made me think those tanks fit me? I could have easily gotten a 2x. I even washed and dried them this week, nope, still too big. I think maybe I can't see myself being ...

Heya, just wanted to let everyone know that I have a story over at  http://www.theplantrx.com  where I'm featured as the success story of the week. Check it out and be sure to check the site out! It's very informative! I loved the video on that site with an interview with clinton about how he went vegan after his heart surgery:

This got really long, I hope you guys can get through it! I had written this introductory blog about my weight loss history, my current journey, where I hope to be in the future, and my current accomplishments. One of my current accomplishments is that it is now February 5th and I have not binged since October 14th 2010. Someone asked how I managed to do that. Food addict, compulsive overeater, binge eater, yeah, I'm all of those. I have no doubt that this will always and forever be something I struggle with. I was reassured of that fact this week. I did not do any binging, although I can't say I wouldn't have had I had  more food at my disposal. At the end of the day I had most of my days calories left at dinner so since I had so many, and so did my bf, I asked if he wanted to go to mad mex. (local cal-mex restaurant). I'm going to lay out just what led to me being in a 'binge' frame of mind. I had eaten too little during the day and let myself get wa...

Well, i thought it would be fitting to eat a salad and watch a documentary on obesity while i did my collage. Also my cat wanted to help. :) Here are a few pics of the finished product :    Everyone should check out the documentary Killer at Large.