Beyond Willpower

Today we went to Kennywood Will my fat ass fit in this ride? I remember not going for the longest time, because I was sure I wouldn't fit in some of the rides. Honestly at 255 lbs two years ago, I barely fit in some of them. This year, at 228 lbs, I fit everything just fine, but was still a little nervous about certain rides and one I won't ride at all after my hips got stuck, even though I was 299 lbs at the time. Anyhow, it got me thinking about all the fat people there, about how they seemed so oblivious to their size, squishing the bars over extended bellies, if I have to struggle to put a safety latch into place, I'm not taking the chance. 1.) The chance I'll fall out because the latch didn't take (unlikely, I know) 2.) the chance that people will see me struggling with my own fat. (far more likely). So for years I just didn't ride.  The everyday indulgence I overheard people saying things that had come out of my mouth for years. "We HAVE to get pot...

So, the daily spark blog posted this article the other day asking if people would be willing to give up a year of their life in return for the perfect body.  16% of women who were normal or underweight answered yes.  WHAT?! This is more than a bit upsetting. Someone made a really good point in the comments section, they said: " Too bad people aren't willing to give up poor self esteem, a sedentary lifestyle and unhealthy amounts of unhealthy food for a "perfect" body. 'cuz then they'd get to KEEP that year, and likely earn more of 'em...   Just sayin'  " (I couldn't find the original poster of the quote so I couldn't give credit.) There really isn't much more to say than that on the subject, it's so true. Some women would have given up graduate degrees, promotions and college degrees with honors for a perfect body. Some reason I doubt men would be willing to make these bargains. Although the pressure on them is getting worse...

Looking back over the last six months is interesting. I started on plan on October 19th, I went gluten free and vegan shortly after. I remember days of binging at the chinese buffet...who am I kidding? Weeks. I remember never drinking water, and napping all the time, never being active, expending the least amount of energy possible. I remember that I ate out about 5 days a week - sometimes more than once a day - and there were days of appetizers (one for me, one for joey) a meal with a salad and dessert, milkshakes, etc. I would go to bed after pigging out and lay on my side and it felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. Frequent heartburn, weight bearing pain in addition to my fibromyalgia pain and shortness of breath at the least sign of exertion. I remember this misery Now, it's 6 months later, and I can't imagine how much better I will feel in another 6 months. I feel so much better now, doing laundry and carrying my basket up and down the steps is easier...

I thought that for Earth Day I would make a post about switching to a plant-based diet and the ways it can help not only our health, but the environment. Our biggest environmental issues of today are directly linked to the production of meat and dairy products. Climate change, deforestation, air and water pollution which of course leads to health problems for us are all effects of industrial farming. Over 30% of land not occupied by ice is used in livestock production alone. More greenhouse gases are attributed to livestock than cars, trucks, ships, etc, the world over combined. What does all of this meat and dairy do for us? It is full of saturated fat and cholesterol, it contributes to things like being overweight or obese, which in turn can lead to cancer, heart disease and diabetes. At first I thought that the statistics for the U.S were horrifying - that 33% of kids born in 2000 will end up suffering from diabetes.  What I realized is actually horrifying though is that...

So, I just wanted to let you guys know I have been talking to the woman who runs  www.yummyplants.com  and I'm going to write an article for her site. It was suggested I write about the health benefits I've experienced since switching to a plant based diet and different things about my experiences with obesity, maybe touch on childhood obesity. It will be an article style, not blog, but I just wanted to let everyone know to check out her site, it's really great and it's for anyone, not just vegans, even if you are just looking to add more healthy fruits/veggies to your diet, it's full of restaurant reviews and recipes and also has a forum so be sure to check it out. I have another job interview on Wednesday. I'm excited, I think I would do great at this place and I feel really confident.  I'll let you all know if I hear back. Today I went looking to buy a new outfit for the interview. Sadly I've decided I'm not a huge fan of what I bought. I was ...

So, I wanted to start c25k but my doc is worried about my joints and said that she would prefer if I waited until I'd lost a little more weight so as not to cause more stress on my joints than necessary. I recently got a recumbent bike.  This is the one I got: So, to prevent stress on my joints, but to help build my stamina and endurance for when I am able to start c25k (hopefully June 19th, that's when my second four month goal time allotment ends) I'm doing it on my bike. I mean it's really just interval training, and it will prepare me for 'the real thing' in June. I do a speed of about 10-12 on the bike on low resistance for the 'walking' portion, and then I up it to 15-16 for the "running" portion.  I'm pretty excited about this. Tomorrow is week 1, "run" 2. Tonight I did 10 miles on the bike at a consistent speed of about 11-12 and I feel great. :) I never trust what the machines say for 'calories burned' but...

"We may think there is willpower involved, but more likely...change is due to want power. Wanting the new addiction more than the old one. Wanting the new me in preference to the person I am now." -- George Sheehan I've always had an addictive personality, I overdo EVERYTHING, so it's good that I stayed away from drugs and alcohol and cigarettes and all that throughout my life.  I've stayed away from most negative things that are harmful to your health and mental well being...except food in excess.  I am a food addict I hear a lot of my friends tell me that they don't want to get 'all obsessed with dieting' and they want to live their lives like a normal healthy person. I get that, I do. Wouldn't it be fabulous? Unfortunately, I not only have no desire for such 'normalcy', I also think I would be incapable of it. Like an Addict who goes to AA/NA meetings and becomes obsessed/addicted to recovery or religion, I have become obsessed...

~*~*~I'm gluten free and vegan~*~*~ As are all my recipes Almost all of my recipes serve 2, many with enough for leftovers This one easily serves two but I was REALLY hungry! So, when I woke up I was starving, had eaten an early dinner so by the time morning rolled around I was so hungry I felt nauseous. So, I needed something quick, and high protein, because if you read  yesterday's blog  you'll see I thought I was feeling mentally weak because I could not keep food off my mind. Thanks to  ~Darla~  I realized it was not mental weakness, it was physical. While my carb intake was as usual, even with the bread I had, my protein and fiber were both very low. Fiber was half what it normally is, and protein was less than a third what it normally is! So, on days when I wake up needing protein I have scrambled tofu. Today I was craving some spice, and crunch, so I decided on scrambled tofu tacos: This was so quick and easy I didn't even write it on the drawing boa...

So, I feel like I have two blog posts in me today. I NEED to write one now, and one later, since they are on two different subjects. So today, I have drank all my water, I exercised for 30 mins, I didn't nap, I worked on my book, I have been on plan. Overall a great, healthy productive day. But mentally, it's been a challenge. I can't seem to get food off my mind. I exercised and then right after watched an episode of Heavy, and I was thinking about dinner being SO far away (probably only two hours from now.) the entire time and it's all I can think of right now. I'm not particularly hungry, I'm just feeling unhinged by food thoughts today and need to write it out. So today this is what I've had to eat so far: breakfast: 2 slices of half inch thick homemade gluten free cinnamon raisin bread with 1 serving of thinnly spread jam. Snack: salad with lots of veggies and a bit of dressing Lunch: Rotisserie style tofu soup with a little bit of rice an...

Well, today was our anniv! Joey and I have been together for 16 years, and to the person who basically asked "HOW?!" in regards to my age, ha, I'm 31!!!!! haha. We have been together since I was 15 and he was 14. :D We had a fabulous day! I woke up and made us breakfast. I made banana, strawberry, kiwi and protein powder smoothies with a bit of Silk and vanilla extract. The bananas were frozen so it was absolutely amazing! Healthy anniversary breakfast smoothies! We also each had a quarter cup of assorted raw nuts...Have I mentioned how much I love my ninja yet? In case I haven't... FABULOUS! We let our stomach's settle by watching a bit of How I Met Your Mother that we needed to catch up on and then we exercised! I did the elliptical for about 5 mins, then I did some kinect your shape cardio, three sessions with the 'personal trainer'. That was 20 mins, and I ended it with another 5 mins on the elliptical. Joey did the kinect while I elliptical...

I stopped in target to do some shopping last night and picked up some new placemats and a few assorted colors and styles of dishes and bowls to use to make the blog nicer. Here is my first pic, I replaced the old pic of the basil red pepper pasta with veggies.  Wooo! I'm totally sprucing this place up! ;) Also, I know I'm most likely the only one excited about this one, but today is me and my bf's anniversary. It has been 16 glorious years, everyday I'm more happy than the last. Every day, I don't know that I could be more happy and yet the next day comes and there it is. More good times, more happy. :) I know he's reading this, so happy anniv, love! :) We have a full day ahead planned for us, and I will post later tonight about what we did since it's definitely weight loss relevant. ;)

So, I started doing the 75% raw on Saturday, my weight loss was slowing, I was losing 1, maybe 2 lbs a week if I was lucky. I'm still big enough that for my size, that is good loss, but a little slow. Anyhow, I've lost 3 lbs in the last 3 days of exercising and doing a 75% raw diet. I need to have lost 10 lbs by march 19th if I want to be on track for my four month goal of losing 40 lbs in 4 months . I'm currently at 6 lbs lost. I still need to lose 4 more in the next 12 days. Not an impossible goal. Hopefully I'll have lost a total of 5 (2 more) before this Saturday while doing this mostly raw thing. I think doing this once a month is a fabulous idea! This was my lunch yesterday: GORGEOUS! Anyhow, today was a 6 hour day at work, around hour 5 I started to hurt, but an aleve helped, which leads me to believe that I have a bit of weight bearing pain unrelated to the fibro. The weather was nice though so not much in the way of fibro pain. I'm sure the exercis...

~*~*~This recipe is gluten free and vegan~*~*~ As are all my recipes I tend to shoot for 2 servings, but this very low cal dish makes enough for leftovers unless you are both VERY hungry! This recipe was inspired by the potato spinach curry in Appetite for Reduction (pg. 232). I think this is a little quicker and I hate potato chunks so it uses marinara instead of chopped tomatoes. I think that makes it creamier too. *NOTE* Also, this recipe is best if made ahead of time and eaten later/the next day. The flavors really have time to soak in that way. Or you could probably make it in a slow cooker, I don't have one but this is an assumption. EDITED TO ADD:  I forgot, it's a bit more bitter than I like. I like to add a tiny bit of sweetener, this should just be to taste and the sweetener of your choice. Stuff you will need: to the drawing board! Prep directions: First, put 2.5 cups water with a veggie base/or use veggie broth, in a medium pot. While waiting for the wat...

So today I was reading through some old blogs. I found this blog from the fourth day that I was back on plan as far as my health was concerned. It talked about some truths. Truth: I am a compulsive overeater/binger/emotional eater Truth: I can not do this alone: My sparkpage and sparkfriends. I <3 you all! It's been going on 5 months now, I honestly don't think I've ever stayed On Plan even this long...I lost 70 lbs in 2004 but I lost it in 4 months (and was totally unhealthy). I find it somewhat comforting that not much has changed. I still very much believe these truths to be the way things are, always will be, and will need to be worked at every day. It has gotten easier, but it's always kind of there, in the back of my mind. Fooooooooood will make you feel better! Foooooood to celebrate.....augh.  I'm here for the long haul. I'm not going to leave Spark , I'm going to keep my head together with the emotional stuff, I can do this. If you're i...

So I went shopping the other day. I had posted those pics in this blog post  with my before and current pics. I had gone to buy some new tank tops and also picked up that cute lavender type top. I bought two size 3x tank tops along with other stuff. I tried them on before buying them. I came home and was pretty happy with them, put them away and didn't think much about it until later. A day or so goes by and I put one on to wear around in the house with my jammie pants. Suddenly I realize that this shirt is way too big. Joey mentioned it as well, like, why did you buy new clothes that are too big? Wasn't the point that all your old clothes were too big? What is it that I see? Have any of you done this? I was just so confused, what was it that I saw when I looked in the mirror in the dressing room? What made me think those tanks fit me? I could have easily gotten a 2x. I even washed and dried them this week, nope, still too big. I think maybe I can't see myself being ...

So, the new A&E show,  Heavy  premiered on Jan 17th and the weight loss forums have been pretty chatty about it.  Basically it's a show about morbidly obese people who go to this intervention type camp. It's actually kind of gorgeous and I wouldnt' mind visiting. ;)  View the ad:  I honestly wasn't sure how I would feel about it, because I generally dislike weight loss TV shows and 'reality TV' in general. I feel that they are exploitative. A way for thin people to sit on their couches and poke fun at others from the comfort of their home. In general I find reality shows to be similar to circus freak shows. In my opinion The Biggest Loser might as well start filming under the big top: From Tod Browning's  Freaks :  To The Biggest Loser:  I understand that some people are motivated by this show, but I feel it sets most people up for failure along the road to wellness. The exploitation is pretty clear in the differe...