Beyond Willpower

So, I was talking to a girl at work today, and I realized just how far I've come from being young and stupid and full of self-hate. This girl, she's lovely. She's 22, 5'3 and weighs 120 lbs and is just so beautiful. She found out how much weight I'd lost and that I was very interested in nutrition, and she started begging, BEGGING for weight loss info. She said she wants to have a lower bmi, she wants to weigh 100 lbs, and that her legs are fatter than her bf's. She said she currently eats 400-900 calories a day. She asked if she should cut down to 300-600. She said "please help me!" I told her I would; I told her I'd bring her the number of a good therapist and advised her to get a fatter boyfriend, hehe. I was only half joking. ;)  I could not believe it. She laughed and I said, "I doubt I'm the first person who has told you that." and she said she used to 'see someone' for food issues and that if I gave her a number she...

So, I was reading a really interesting blog today over at  Escape from Obesity . She was asking what it is that keeps people going even when they aren't motivated. Anyhow, this was my reply, I thought I would share it here: -- I got to the point in my life where I realized that I want to be healthy more than I want to abuse myself with food. When I have slower losses, or am having a TOM craving, I just have to keep in mind that I've undone the progress I've made so many times over the years, and I am just at a place where I'm sick of it and not willing to let myself do that again.  Therapy has helped a lot. Blogging helps, I blog every day on spark, for accountability alone, and then I keep my beyondwillpower blog for the 'big things'.  When I ask myself what it is, it's just that I'm fed up. I'm 31 and still morbidly obese. This will only get more difficult the older I get. My real dad died at 47 from diabetes complications and he pretty much...

So I went shopping the other day. I had posted those pics in this blog post  with my before and current pics. I had gone to buy some new tank tops and also picked up that cute lavender type top. I bought two size 3x tank tops along with other stuff. I tried them on before buying them. I came home and was pretty happy with them, put them away and didn't think much about it until later. A day or so goes by and I put one on to wear around in the house with my jammie pants. Suddenly I realize that this shirt is way too big. Joey mentioned it as well, like, why did you buy new clothes that are too big? Wasn't the point that all your old clothes were too big? What is it that I see? Have any of you done this? I was just so confused, what was it that I saw when I looked in the mirror in the dressing room? What made me think those tanks fit me? I could have easily gotten a 2x. I even washed and dried them this week, nope, still too big. I think maybe I can't see myself being ...

Heya, just wanted to let everyone know that I have a story over at  http://www.theplantrx.com  where I'm featured as the success story of the week. Check it out and be sure to check the site out! It's very informative! I loved the video on that site with an interview with clinton about how he went vegan after his heart surgery:

So, I've been On Plan perfectly for almost 3 months. I haven't lost anything for 2 weeks. It's that time of the month though, and mine lasts FOR EV AR, so, who knows, maybe I'll have a whoosh. The thing that has me concerned though isn't that I haven't lost - so much as where I'm going mentally DUE TO the no loss. I've had a history of eating disordered behavior along the other end of the spectrum. I binge yeah, but I also have gone through periods of starvation and laxative abuse. (These things don't work out as well as you hope they will. Also they inevitably lead to binging). Anyhow, not losing for 2 weeks has almost immediately put me into the mindset of -- cutting cals. It's never so simple as oh I should cut by 100 and see after a week where that gets me. It's more like, cut by 300...and if that works, hell, go lower. I know this is the start of something bad. So yeah, I'm worried. I want to be this person: Not this pers...