Surprising myself: Who is this girl wearing the smaller shirt?

So today I was reading through some old blogs. I found this blog from the fourth day that I was back on plan as far as my health was concerned.

It talked about some truths.

Truth: I am a compulsive overeater/binger/emotional eater

Truth: I can not do this alone:

My sparkpage and sparkfriends. I <3 you all!

It's been going on 5 months now, I honestly don't think I've ever stayed On Plan even this long...I lost 70 lbs in 2004 but I lost it in 4 months (and was totally unhealthy). I find it somewhat comforting that not much has changed. I still very much believe these truths to be the way things are, always will be, and will need to be worked at every day. It has gotten easier, but it's always kind of there, in the back of my mind. Fooooooooood will make you feel better! Foooooood to celebrate.....augh. 

I'm here for the long haul. I'm not going to leave Spark, I'm going to keep my head together with the emotional stuff, I can do this. If you're in a similar boat, so can you. 

Today I was looking for something new to wear to work. I am so sick of my clothes at this point, in another 20 lbs I"ll have to buy at least a couple hundred dollars worth of new clothes. Wait...am I complaining about needing smaller clothes?!? Not really. I'm more complaining about being broke. ha. I can't wait to get new clothes! I went digging around in my "Maybe these clothes will fit someday" bag under the bed and found a shirt I've never worn and was dying to get into and it fit! It's a fitted type shirt, which I'm not used to that kind of thing, but anyhow, here it is!:

Is that a waist I'm getting? ;)

My pain is better lately, and since it's going to rain three days at the end of the week I decided to exercise on all the sunny days in hopes that by the time the rain hits, the pain won't be as bad. Wish me luck. Stupid fibromyalgia. :( I feel great today though!

I just had to give myself kudos though because I made the promise to myself that while I could accept mistakes, I would not tolerate excuses and  I have stuck to that like glue and it's one of the more important aspects to keeping myself On Plan. 

Also, I had made the commitment to not let holidays and celebrations be excuses, that there was no reason to go off plan because this thing showed up in my living room:

I'm just not sure how that = EAT COOKIES. I made it through the holidays without going off plan at all. I stayed well within' 1500 cals, and I still had a great time. I'm just figuring out that food is not happiness, it's not tradition, it's not family or friends. 

I counted 18 'excuses' to pig out, holidays, annivs, bdays, picnics, etc. This is from an old blog on Spark: 

"COUNT EM!' EIGHTEEN excuses, for things that only happen ONCE a year - 18 excuses to pig out! That evens out to more than once a month. Celebrations, more than once a month? I will tell you what happens: 

First, the holiday, the junk, the eating of the junk, then, the leftovers, don't want to waste! the eating of the leftovers. Then, 'getting back on track.' which can take weeks (if I'm lucky, months if I'm not.) Then, if I'm lucky I've lost a few lbs right before the next holiday/celebration aka 'excuse to pig out'! Then, I gain that back. 

I can't do this anymore. I can not."

I know you guys can't hear what that last bit sounds like in my head. But in my head, it sounds angry, it sounds defiant.


I was right, I couldn't keep going the way I had been, but, as for my journey to health and wellness... I can do this. No one can tell me I can't, no one can keep me from reaching my goals. No one but me, and I'm sick of being the one thing that stands in my way. 

I've lost 52 lbs so far, 98 lbs to go. I can do this. I really can. 

What brings the fight out in you? Do you have any old blog posts from when you first started that you're proud of? Have you surprised yourself?