So, I was talking to a girl at work today, and I realized just how far I've come from being young and stupid and full of self-hate.
This girl, she's lovely. She's 22, 5'3 and weighs 120 lbs and is just so beautiful. She found out how much weight I'd lost and that I was very interested in nutrition, and she started begging, BEGGING for weight loss info. She said she wants to have a lower bmi, she wants to weigh 100 lbs, and that her legs are fatter than her bf's. She said she currently eats 400-900 calories a day. She asked if she should cut down to 300-600. She said "please help me!"
I told her I would; I told her I'd bring her the number of a good therapist and advised her to get a fatter boyfriend, hehe. I was only half joking. ;) I could not believe it. She laughed and I said, "I doubt I'm the first person who has told you that." and she said she used to 'see someone' for food issues and that if I gave her a number she wouldn't call.
Now, I have awesome self-esteem, but at 22 and 220-240 lbs I did not. I guess somehow I feel like I had a reason to feel bad, and that she doesn't. She is socially acceptable, I was(/am) not. She says it's her culture. (She's Asian) and that Asians openly ridicule women for being overweight and in her culture she is fat.
This kills me, this girl, she is pretty much gorgeous. To hear her talk so down on herself was heartbreaking. I said, "Where do you plan to lose 20 lbs from?!" and she said, "Everywhere!" Insanity.
I try and keep these things in mind when I feel bad about myself. That even the most beautiful people think they aren't good enough. My sister is young, thin, smart, accomplished, gorgeous, she doesn't have the best self-esteem, I can't help but wonder where we get these ideas of who we should be.
Knowing that keeps me sane though, knowing that I can only be myself, the best me I can be, and knowing that it just has to be enough, because if we're looking for perfection, this idea of what is perfect for our culture, or our family, or in comparison to our friends, well, there is no such thing, because what is one person's perfection is another person's disaster. We can only learn to accept ourselves for who we are.
This girl, she's lovely. She's 22, 5'3 and weighs 120 lbs and is just so beautiful. She found out how much weight I'd lost and that I was very interested in nutrition, and she started begging, BEGGING for weight loss info. She said she wants to have a lower bmi, she wants to weigh 100 lbs, and that her legs are fatter than her bf's. She said she currently eats 400-900 calories a day. She asked if she should cut down to 300-600. She said "please help me!"
I told her I would; I told her I'd bring her the number of a good therapist and advised her to get a fatter boyfriend, hehe. I was only half joking. ;) I could not believe it. She laughed and I said, "I doubt I'm the first person who has told you that." and she said she used to 'see someone' for food issues and that if I gave her a number she wouldn't call.
Now, I have awesome self-esteem, but at 22 and 220-240 lbs I did not. I guess somehow I feel like I had a reason to feel bad, and that she doesn't. She is socially acceptable, I was(/am) not. She says it's her culture. (She's Asian) and that Asians openly ridicule women for being overweight and in her culture she is fat.
I googled "Asian anorexia" and found this:
Sad!
This kills me, this girl, she is pretty much gorgeous. To hear her talk so down on herself was heartbreaking. I said, "Where do you plan to lose 20 lbs from?!" and she said, "Everywhere!" Insanity.
I assure you, these women have 'fat days' and days they feel less than beautiful as well.
I try and keep these things in mind when I feel bad about myself. That even the most beautiful people think they aren't good enough. My sister is young, thin, smart, accomplished, gorgeous, she doesn't have the best self-esteem, I can't help but wonder where we get these ideas of who we should be.
Knowing that keeps me sane though, knowing that I can only be myself, the best me I can be, and knowing that it just has to be enough, because if we're looking for perfection, this idea of what is perfect for our culture, or our family, or in comparison to our friends, well, there is no such thing, because what is one person's perfection is another person's disaster. We can only learn to accept ourselves for who we are.
To my fellow weight loss blogger friends and readers - be healthy, treat yourselves well and the weight loss will follow. Remember, progress, not perfection.
*Hugs*
Thank you for that reminder. I think we sometimes think that all problems regarding those issues will be solved when we get to goal weight. I think that's a big part of why so many people have a hard time with maintenance. Gotta love ourselves regardless :)
ReplyDeleteOne word. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, what a hateful image you found! I completely agree with you about progress not perfection. I know from where I speak too, after 10 years of bulimia.
ReplyDeleteIt's sad that your co-worker feels that badly about herself and is eating so little. Hopefully you can be a good influence for her.
I don't know how you got so wise at such a young age, my blogging friend, but you certainly are. You've shown your wisdom in this blog post and, most of all, you really hit home with your comment on my latest blog post.
ReplyDeleteYou wrote this: "Please keep in mind if your fam was poor they were most likely trying to 'save face' and felt they were doing what they could and wanted you to be grateful for them and the little they were able to provide. It sounds like what they were saying was more about how inadequate they may have felt, than how ungrateful you were."
This insight has helped me more than you will ever know because for the first time, I think I finally understand what they were really "saying" to me. Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to express your insights and share your wisdom with me.
Jackie
Stacy: I totally agree!
ReplyDeleteLisa: Thanks!
Rennee: I hope, I found an article I was thinking of printing out and giving her. :(
Jackie: Thanks so much, you are too sweet. :D I try ;)
WOW!! Thank you so much for this post. I have been struggling a lot with feeling like I'm alone with struggling about how I feel about myself. This is a great reminder that everyone has these issues.
ReplyDeletelucky: Your welcome, it turns out it was a reminder a lot of people needed apparently!
ReplyDeleteGlad to be of service. :)