Beyond Willpower

Okay, I know, it's been forever since I've posted a recipe. Honestly, I've just been busy with work and writing and other things and have been eating the same old and not making many 'new' things for the blog like I Should. Today I made two though! First things first, my Chickpea Walnut flax burger: Okay, honestly, these burgers are a PAIN to make. They make the kitchen an absolute disaster, but seeing as how they are the only burger I've ever gotten to STICK TOGETHER, I say make a big batch. I would've made 24, but my legs are flaring so I only made 12. :( Things you need: Preheat oven to 400 degrees 2 16 oz cans of chickpeas 1 cup ground flax meal 1 cup walnuts, whole .5 onion 2 tbls chili powder 1 tsp crushed red pepper 1.5 tbls garlic salt 1 tsp cumin 2 tbls steak sauce (make your own, or you can buy it vegan, I'll post a recipe for it eventually) 1 tbls earth balance vegan buttery spread Some type of blender/food processor and a c...

Some new challenges to overcome I've been doing less than stellar. I didn't lose this week, didn't gain, but didn't lose. Having too many of those weeks. While I was stalled for no real reason I could discern before, this week was all my fault. We haven't really had groceries, so eating out was happening quite a bit, even though it was relatively healthy, it's still most likely packed with sodium. I've also not been going to the gym as often as I should, honestly my pain has been flaring a bit and the fear of making it worse has kept me home.  I'm 226 lbs and I want nothing more than to hit 224, I know it's a dumb number, heh, but it'll be more than halfway out of this decade, which I am SO looking forward to. This week I plan to hit the gym today, Thursday and Saturday. I'm trying to pace myself, since going so overboard the week before last set me back with my fibromyalgia pretty badly.  I've decided to go back to physical therapy a...

I just wanted to give a little shout out to my friend Ron Pedersen who just started his own blog about his ministry. He is a pastor with the United Church of Christ and is writing a book called My Christian, Liberal, Gay agenda, I hope you guys check it out!: Experiencing Faith

So this past week has been slightly less insane, but I used any downtime to relax or go to the gym or write. I'm working on a fiction book as I may have mentioned. It may be done by next Tuesday night. I'm so close! My legs have been flaring and so I haven't been making it to the gym, yesterday was the first day in about a week that I managed to feel well enough to go. I was even doing my pt wrong the last few days and hurting my ankles in the process. I went yesterday though, and I did an hour there. I took it easy though, I just did the treadmill, the recumbent and the crosstrainer so I wouldn't be dying today, and I'm feeling good today so it looks like that was my best bet. I'm going today after this event that is happening at work. We didn't really have any food in the house last week, so I was eating out too much and the scale reflects that as I haven't lost anything at all this week. We went grocery shopping the other day though so now I...

Last week (which ran straight through Monday of this week) I worked 6 days in a row, a few of those days I worked both jobs, and when I wasn't doing that I was at the gym at the start of the week, so I have had NO time to blog. This week promises so far to be better, no double duty (unless I get called in today and friday, since we're hiring now, I assume there's a good chance I might!) boooo. Oh well, extra money. I was off yesterday, first day off in almost a week, I went out to eat with friends and I came home and wrote, I'm writing a fiction book, I can't remember if I've mentioned that here or not, I had stopped writing for awhile, something had gotten in the way. Anyhow, I am almost done, will probably finish up in the next 2-3 weeks with the rough draft. It's one of those books that will most likely say, "a novel" in the corner. Joey is forever teasing me that those are all I read, and it seems that is what I've written. It's a com...

What is your current style? Who are your fashion icons? Does your weight keep you from dressing the way you would prefer? Do you have a dream outfit you'd just love to wear if only you were thinner? Don't get me wrong, I wear things that I like, but I don't love them. The things I love  things like these dresses, from  www.modcloth.com , are hopefully in my near future! I think this one is my favorite: I think my emerging shape would fill this out nicely ;) I half wonder if Rachel from Glee gets her clothes from www.modcloth.com  ...? ...and here is something a little different and flowy. This is just me dreaming about the day I can wear the things I love. What about you? Oh...and one last thing...wow:

"I know the price of success: dedication, hard work, and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen." -- Frank Lloyd Wright Do you consider yourself dedicated? Do you do what it takes day after miserable day for the results you want to see?  Watching extreme make-over weight loss edition the guy said, "You did a third of the work, you get a third of the reward."   TRUTH! Rising to the challenge Yesterday was a challenge for me. It was one of those days where for starters, I didn't want to wake up. I just wanted to stay in bed for another hour, but no, work was calling my name. So I got up and got ready.  I had my gym bag all packed, I took it with me, and as the day went on, I started to pay the price of skipping my PT for two days in a row. Time to get back on that! I was sore, and achy, and the gym was the last thing I wanted to do.  I sat on the bus and struggled with myself to NOT get off on my regular stop and just go home. I t...

Today we went to Kennywood Will my fat ass fit in this ride? I remember not going for the longest time, because I was sure I wouldn't fit in some of the rides. Honestly at 255 lbs two years ago, I barely fit in some of them. This year, at 228 lbs, I fit everything just fine, but was still a little nervous about certain rides and one I won't ride at all after my hips got stuck, even though I was 299 lbs at the time. Anyhow, it got me thinking about all the fat people there, about how they seemed so oblivious to their size, squishing the bars over extended bellies, if I have to struggle to put a safety latch into place, I'm not taking the chance. 1.) The chance I'll fall out because the latch didn't take (unlikely, I know) 2.) the chance that people will see me struggling with my own fat. (far more likely). So for years I just didn't ride.  The everyday indulgence I overheard people saying things that had come out of my mouth for years. "We HAVE to get pot...

Well, apparently the gym was just what I needed! I finally broke my plateau. I was stuck at 230 lbs for four miserable weeks. I am now, officially in a new decade! 228 lbs! This morning joey, who is a late sleeper, and I, got up and went to the gym before work. We got there around 11. I stayed until 12, then headed off to work. Joey was able to stay until 130, then I think he walked the 2-3 miles to work. He seems excited. I'm excited that he's excited. ha. I'm excited in general. I don't have much to say today, I'm just REALLY happy to be down to 228 lbs and wanted to share it with you guys, this plateau has been frustrating, but just keep in mind, we've gotta have patience. Maintaining is at least not gaining!

Are you traveling this path alone, or with your significant other? Joey and I started on this path in earnest on October 19th 2010. He eventually went veggie, I went vegan and we've both become pretty health conscious.  He's lost about 22 lbs, I've lost almost 70 now. (He doesn't have nearly as much to lose.)  Exposure Therapy Joey has a fairly wide streak of social anxiety. He came with me to the gym the day I got my free 3 day pass earlier this week. He even came on the tour of the gym with me, which was panic inducing for him. I had butterflies, but he was shaking and miserable just sitting in the waiting area after the tour, and he was all alone.  Today I asked him to sign up for the 3day pass. I know right now he doesn't have the time or the drive to get a membership, he just wouldn't use it enough for it to matter. But I wanted him to expose himself to the idea, I think exposure therapy is good for him, in many ways.  I think it can help a lot of peop...

So your first time in a gym, did you feel like all eyes were on you? Like, who let the fat girl in? Or maybe, "She won't last a week..." These are things that went through my mind when I was touring the gym, at an hour of the day when it was FULL of young, fit people. Turns out people of all shapes and sizes and ages go there, but at that moment it was the worst time to be full of fit people. ha. I truly felt so judged. I know it's ridiculous. Everyone told me that once you are there and working out you aren't paying attention to anything but how well you're doing on your machine or your pace, or whatever. That really-  it's a big ole' ME fest and that is all you're thinking about. I didn't buy it, but once I got there, other than being relieved to see the occasional chubbette (So far I've been the biggest person at the gym, that I am painfully aware of.) I don't really pay attention to other people. Luckily I'm too busy wipi...

Do you guys belong to gyms? Do you like it? Is it tough to work it in? So the other day I signed up for a free 3 day trial at the gym up the street. A friend signed up with me and so off we went.  They have a pool! Which is why I chose them over some other gyms. I love swimming, even if it pretty much makes me feel like I'm gonna die, and watching nekkid old ladies walk around is less than awesome... Anyhow, we went in, got dressed and hopped on the machines for a bit. We were only there for 80 mins because my friend had to go to work, but I did a stationary bike, then a cross trainer thing that is sort of like an elliptical, and then I swam. I'll fess up here and say I was only able to swim like 9 or 10 laps. (Lost count I think?) Anyhow, my bikini bottoms were too big and were sliding down, I got a new pair yesterday. So hopefully that will make it a bit easier. I feel when I'm doing certain activities like I can't get a full breath, kind of the way my seasonal...

Well, last night I finished week 1 of Couch to 5k !!!! I'm very proud of myself. :D Also, I loved it. I am terrified about starting week 2 though! ;) I also went to the gym today to take a tour and sign up for a free 3 day pass. I start that tomorrow, they are closed Wednesday and then I go Thursday and Friday and if I think it's something I want I can join that day. Joey won't be joining as other humans make him panic. I mean I'm really nervous myself, but I see those people there just going at it and not giving a damn and getting/being fit and I want to be that person too. I'm on my way. :) I'm on my way to a goal I set here a long time ago, and that is to be this: Instead of this:

I'm tracking in my head anyhow, ha, and I kind of miss the certainty. I'm currently not weighing because I got my real rag (as opposed to a pill 'phantom period') finally and it's bloat city. ha. But I HAVE To weigh tomorrow regardless because I'm doing a challenge , hopefully the bloat will have calmed down by then.   The one thing that I did learn from this experiment is that it seems I now require less protein, I was eating less protein (tvp, tofu, shakes) and more veggies and doing just fine, so I think I'll add volume to my meals with fruits and veggies and cut some of the protein that was sucking up valuable cals for other more healthy options.   I'm readjusting all my values today. We shall see in a few weeks where this gets me. I'll weigh tomorrow and then again next sunday. TRYING to watch the salt. ha.

So, for the next 2-4 weeks I'll be trying to post daily pics of what meals I can for you guys, for anyone who is interested in how to go about eating a mostly whole foods no oil/added sugar diet.   I had another successful day I think. For breakfast I had: Scrambled mexican tofu with spinach, oven baked potato slices and raisins. Yes, I like pepper! For lunch I had some gluten free pasta with homemade sauce:   For a snack I did have a protein shake with flax meal and a gf chewy bar thing, low cal but not the best option. I only had two left, I figure when they are gone I just won't buy more. I also had celery with a smidge of peanut butter. I plan to grind my own next time I'm at whole foods but using up the last of what we had. Need to get some avocados too, without oil I'll still need healthy fats for the fat soluble vitamins. Then for dinner I had an awesome chickpea, walnut, flax burger that I invented, on homemade whole grain gluten free bread with mexican ...

So is anyone else paying attention to the new USDA food guidelines/ Myplate ? Okay, so twitter is abuzz about this thing. People are saying it's better because it's simple, but others are saying it's too simple, people will count potatoes as a veggie and not a starch (OH NOES! WHATEVER SHALL WE DO!?) NOTE: Starch is not on the plate and potatoes are veggies. I suppose this was written by someone who demonizes carbs. The Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine,  PCRM , posted an article today regarding the fact that the plate does not exactly fall in line with the gov's actual actions. They recommend half your plate be full of fruits and veggies but they subsidize unhealthy foods. This is a good point, but I don't suppose we can have it all. In regards to the new plate being 'too confusing' because of the potato issues and some people not knowing what a protein is (seriously?) I have to say that those people, people who are unwilling to educate the...

So, today was my first day of not tracking and eating a 99.9% whole foods diet (Up from probably 95% before) and also not using any oil at all. I'm trying to eat things that are whole, but also things that are pretty darn close to whole as well. (like tofu, or other things with 5 or less identifiable and pronounceable ingredients as smaller parts of my diet.) Today I had a protein shake for breakfast. This consisted of a cup of soy milk, 1 scoop protein powder, 1 frozen banana and 2 tbls of ground flax meal. For lunch I had brown rice with black beans, corn and onions. Later, I had a snack of a salad with green leaf lettuce, carrots, onions, broccoli, radishes and a dressing made of apple cider vinegar and thyme. For dinner, I had roasted potatoes with a tiny bit of ketchup, zucchni and peas and for dessert I am having pineapple and spinach juice. Overall it was pretty easy and I hope that eating a wider range of foods and cutting out most empty calories like bbq sauce...