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"A year from now you'll be glad you started today..." --For my friends --

I have some amazing friends. Most are currently my diet buddies, one or two I want to be my diet buddies, and still others I wish were still my diet buddies.

For those who I'd like to follow me on a path to good health and for those who used to and I wish would come back and for those who are frustrated endlessly by their supposed lack of "willpower", I feel the need to acknowledge that it will only come when they want it to. When they wake up one day and staying fat is more difficult than losing weight.

When I was at my heaviest (299 lbs) I was pretty miserable. I thought for sure that I would never be able to get myself out of the mess I'd gotten myself in to. 

Me at 299 lbs

I thought in my most desperate moments,  maybe I'd get "the surgery". My bf was so against it though, and honestly the statistics were not that impressive. I couldn't afford to be one of the huge percentage of people who regained their weight after going through the physical trauma of a big surgery like that. If I felt bad now, I imagined I'd feel worse after taking such an extreme route and still not getting to where I wanted to be, and staying there.

Mostly since 2004, when I first started to "seriously" diet (I had dieted on and off my entire life but knew little about what I was doing and never lost more than 20 lbs), I'd yo-yo'ed a lot. A LOT. I started at 260, went on atkins for 4 months and lost 70 lbs. 190 is my lowest adult weight:

Me at 190:

All it took to undo all that work was 1 bowl of pasta on my 9 year anniversary. Once I got back up to 260, I felt completely out of control. I had regained 70 lbs as quickly as I had lost it, in four months. Then I just kept gaining until I had a doc appt and they told me I was 299.

I knew things had to change, but I was feeling so hopeless. My goal at that point was so far away. I can't say there was a magical moment when I woke up and knew 'today would be the day' when I magically lost 44 lbs to bring me to where I'm at today (still with so far to go). I think I just had to have hope that regardless of the work it would take and above all else, the time it would take, I had to do it. 

I was killing myself and the further I got from goal the harder it would be and the longer it would take to fight my way back. I had to start somewhere. It took awhile of yo-yoing up and down a bit before this latest attempt, that has felt so much more a (cliche', but true) "lifestyle change" than anything I'd ever done before. 

Often, my breakfasts looked like this: about 600 calories and 18 grams of fat (not including the potato pancakes I would get as a side)

I finally figured, so what if it takes me a couple years to get to goal? The time will pass anyhow. As they say on one of my forums, "A year from now you'll be glad you started today."

My breakfasts now look like this: 240 calories and 5 grams of fat

I don't feel deprived, though I'm sure I was whiny at first. I love to cook though. I think it's a matter of learning to love the things you must do to succeed. It doesn't happen overnight. I need fabulous tasty meals to keep me on track, so not only did I learn to love eating veggie, then later vegan meals, I learned to love preparing them. I learned to love exercise. I like the feeling, my mood is so improved after doing even just the little I am physically able to. I have fibromyalgia so I can't do much at the moment but am slowly working it up. 

One of my favorite quotes from this forum I frequent online that one of the users originally said I guess, and everyone now repeats, is: 

Losing weight is hard, maintaining weight is hard, staying fat is hard - choose your hard. 

I can only speak for myself. One day I woke up and staying fat was harder than trying my hardest to lose weight. You get sick of spilling out of your bras, of it being impossible to wear clothes and be comfortable. It gets harder and harder to ignore the stares, the cruel words, or at the opposite end of the spectrum, the being totally invisible.

I couldn't stand the feeling of being trapped in my body. It just didn't feel like me anymore. It had to change. Then, it started to. 

Me at just about 255 lbs (most recent)

I can't say that there is no going back. That I will never ever regain. That I will make it to goal without a hitch. No one can know those sorts of things. All I can say is that I'm going to keep trying. I want more than anything to be in that 5% of people who lose 30+ lbs and keep it off for at least a year.  *EDIT TO ADD: The statistics by the national weight loss registry have been updated to 10-20% which is better, but still not great."* But we are the only ones who can change them. 

This post is for anyone who needs it, but originally inspired by those friends mentioned above. All I can do is tell my story and be here for you when you're ready to join me. No pressure. 

P.S - Change is uncomfortable for awhile. If it's not, you aren't doing it right. 

Have any of you started to lose weight? Are any of you at goal? What got you started and what kept/keeps you going?


  1.'s Anastasia from PPK, aka The Veganbetic! What a wonderful blog you have! I'm going to backtrack and read all your entries starting tomorrow. I congratulate you on your successes...and I love your quote about change; it's absolutely true.

    I committed to a total revamping of my diet in May 2010 while at a starting weight of 250 pounds. I have lost somewhat more than 50 pounds so far; I will know exactly what I weigh tomorrow after my MD appointment. I'm five feet two inches tall, and my goal weight (which seems reasonable for a woman pushing 50) is 130 pounds, so I do have a way to go.

    What got me started was my Type II diabetes and going vegan to try to reverse it. Getting my HbA1C down from 14 to 5.4 has been, in some ways, more of a triumph for me than losing the 50 pounds because of what that low number represents...which leads me now to what keeps me going on this lifestyle change: I have seen diabetics neglect their health and end up with amputations, cardiac issues, and something that I personally dread even more than these: kidney failure, which is a truly horrible way to die.

    So there you have it. I'm very happy with these changes I've made, and I don't see myself backsliding ever again!

  2. You're right, we ARE the only ones who can change them! And we are doing it!

    I adore that quote. It's hard in all three scenarios, but I agree, staying fat is the worst of the hard. I remember the first time I realized I couldn't find bras that fit anymore, and also the first time I was too big for all the pants in Avenue. The 26's in Macy's still fit, I guess the designers are more generous with their sizing. But still. Where was I going to buy clothes?

    When I stopped taking all the stupid pain meds my doctors were pumping into me ~ which weren't taking away enough pain anyway ~ my body finally started being able to lose weight. You know me from Spark and that I am 49 pounds down since last May.

    This losing weight thing is downright easy compared to being fat.

  3. Okay, I am laughing...the code word I got to prove I wasn't a bot on that last post was "larddys." Sounds a lot like lard ass. Ironic. lol

  4. You are so hot! I love the hair and wish I had the guts to do that to my hair. Love your blog and look forward to following your progress.


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