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Owning up

I've been struggling with coming here and writing this blog.

I have been steadily gaining weight since last August. I had originally lost 80 lbs and I gained 50 of that back. I was miserable.

I've finally gotten on track for realz and have lost my first 10 lbs. I will be adjusting my ticker to reflect what's really going on.

I'm not entirely sure what happened. I mean...I ate too much. Yup.

But why? What derailed me and what kept me off track? What got me back on track? How do I figure out how to make these backsliding episodes shorter and further in between? I am now at 40 lbs lost. Augh. I just keep telling myself I did it before I can do it again, and then some.

I think what originally derailed me was work. I had started working almost full time hours last august-october, it eventually proved too much for me fibromyalgia wise, but during that time I was under a lot of stress and spent a lot of time at work, I didn't bring my own food and the only things near me were not the healthiest options. I struggled with eating gluten and dairy (of course I'd eat the worst thing for me, pizza.)  which was bad for me pain wise and waistline wise.

I stopped exercising because I was working two jobs and when I got home I just wanted to crash.

How do I keep this from happening again? I am in line for a new job. One where I can sit so I can work more hours and it won't bother my fibro so badly. I plan to BRING FOOD to work. I have to. I always want to, but I HAVE TO. Anyhow...if I can't bring food, the place I will be working is right near a restaurant that offers vegan/healthy foods for the days that I don't bring food. There is NO PIZZA place near by. whew.

I've been walking in the evenings with joey again. I've been tracking on sparkpeople and sticking to a 1600 cal diet. I'll probably reduce it to 1500 cals once I lose another 10-20 lbs.

I have been feeling a little beaten down.. But now, I'm feeling positive. I think I REALLY needed to lose this 10 lbs so I could feel like it was possible. It felt so IMPOSSIBLE for awhile. Like such an uphill struggle.

I also realized I need to do something about my emotional eating. I had it under control for awhile but then stress came a' knockin' and I turned to food. Recently I won a battle with emotional eating and hopefully that  will build momentum.

I hope everyone is doing well and hope that you all got to the end. There is hope. I always try, at the very least, I never stop trying, so I haven't failed, not yet.
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