Beyond Willpower

Well, still having a hard time, but not that bad. today has started off good with a protein shake and a banana before work. I know once I'm 100% back on track that I will feel so much better and be so happier, I know that is true, so why it's so difficult to do what I know is good for me is beyond me! I feel like today is going to be a good day, and October is going to be a good month.

Well, I have't been updating since the blog contest ended, I did not win, and it was kind of upsetting. Either way, I'm still here. I have gained 5 lbs. I'm shocked it wasn't more. I feel like I'm having weird appetite issues. I get hungry but don't want to eat, then later I'm starving and I pig out on something unhealthy. This happens late, because earlier in the day even if I'm hungry physically I have no desire to eat. No idea what's going on but I'm going to have to just force myself to try and eat regular meals. Also my mental health has been less than stellar lately. Some of it is just chemical or the weather or whatever, but another thing is just a personal issue I have yet to deal with that I need to. I have a doc appt Monday. They have increased my abilify to 30 mgs. I don't feel manic anymore, but I do still feel rather down. My schedule is finally normal next week, I'm going to take my days off and enjoy them, then the ...

So I'm doing a challenge starting today. It's been awhile since I've done a spark challenge, which can be pretty involved, but I'm hoping it helps my lack of focus. My pre-challenge days went well, stayed on plan, but didn't get a chance to exercise. I will though, and the challenge requires specific exercise stuff that you get points for, and I'm competitive, ha, so hopefully that will work out for the best. I don't have much to say yet, but I'll report back in a couple days to say how my challenge progress is going.

So last night I was reading through some of my old blogs. My very first blog post here, "Sometimes you have to fight a battle more than once to win it."  is really ringing true right now. Just a little reminder for myself, to keep me plugging along: Sometimes I think these 'reminders' are what have kept me from regaining! This is a battle isn't it? It's worth the fight though. Today I filled out my spark goal tracking calender and I tracked breakfast and lunch already, and I have about 555 cals left for dinner. I have a long day ahead, and I had another calf spasm last night so my legs hurt still, but I'm about to do some pt, and tonight I'm going to jump on the recumbent. I'm preparing, mentally more than anything, for Monday, when I start the Biggest Loser Challenge 19 with my sparkbuddies in white lighting. :) Good luck ladies! Anyhow, the challenge is 10 weeks, and I hope that I can report a nice loss back in the next few weeks after it...

Some days, this is a nightmare: Thanks to those who commented on my last post. I feel like I'm getting back on track. I haven't actually been tracking my cals but haven't had much time to eat either. So it's worked out and the scale is moving in the right direction. I work the next 10 days straight! help? I'm going to bed in a few here. Going to wake up early, juice for breakfast, cook a lunch to reheat at work, and pack a snack, it'll be a long day. I woke up with cramps in both my calves last night, my fibro is kickin' lately, this rain is making me feel less than stellar, but I'm still doing my pt and I'm still doing 10x's better than I was last fall. I'm working 8 hour days. I never thought I'd get back here with all my health problems.  I had a little 'bipolar moment' last week/into this week, but made a med adjustment with my docs and am feeling better. It's so difficult to stay focused on health and eating well wh...

So I've been losing and regaining and losing the same 5 lbs for about three weeks now. It's getting pretty frustrating, I'm sure many of you have been there. How do I break this obnoxious cycle!? I had some phantom pms recently and pigged out on chocolate for about a week, augh. Work is getting easier, I'll be down to one job soon enough, that will make things far far easier. I can cook on my days off and freeze stuff. This needs to be a thing, for sure. I was off yesterday, but it was my first day off in 10 days so I just didn't want to do ANYTHING. Once I am down to one job, I'm going to go back to the gym as well. I feel pretty blah, down on myself, I need to get moving again. It's getting more difficult, but I got rid of all my 'fatter clothes' so there is no going back. :) I've relost a few more lbs. A couple more to go till I'm back at ticker weight. Hopefully this time I can keep it down and go a little below that. This post ...

Okay people, I used raffleking to pick the winner....and the winner is... The Vegan Tummy Please e-mail me at beyondwillpower99 at gmail dot com with your mailing address! Sorry it took so long to announce I haven't been home much lately!

Unfortunately, Forks Over Knives did not come to my city when it opened, but we did  go to Cleveland   to see it. For those of you who haven't seen it (or who have and want to learn more), here are some goodies for you to win! If you've ever been curious about what a more plant-based diet can do for you this is a great way to get started! *US residents only* Forks Over Knives DVD The China Study, which is often referenced in the film  Companion book Here are the rules: (When posting this graphic plz chose "large" so the type can be read) The winner will be announced September 3rd and will be chosen at random. Deadline is September 2nd at midnight. Once a winner is chosen they will have 3 days to contact me with their shipping info and if I don't hear back another winner will be chosen at random.  U.S residents only. Sorry! Thanks for entering and good luck! NOTE: If you do NOT have a blog, you can post the link to this contest on your facebook/g...