So I went shopping the other day. I had posted those pics in this blog post with my before and current pics. I had gone to buy some new tank tops and also picked up that cute lavender type top. I bought two size 3x tank tops along with other stuff. I tried them on before buying them. I came home and was pretty happy with them, put them away and didn't think much about it until later.
A day or so goes by and I put one on to wear around in the house with my jammie pants. Suddenly I realize that this shirt is way too big. Joey mentioned it as well, like, why did you buy new clothes that are too big? Wasn't the point that all your old clothes were too big?
What is it that I see?
Have any of you done this? I was just so confused, what was it that I saw when I looked in the mirror in the dressing room? What made me think those tanks fit me? I could have easily gotten a 2x. I even washed and dried them this week, nope, still too big. I think maybe I can't see myself being the size I am yet. I'm used to being a 4x and my mind could wrap itself around being a 3x, but not quite a 2x? My mind hasn't caught up to my body yet. I'm wondering now, if I will outgrow this mentality? I mean I'm sure I'll eventually be able to find clothes that fit and that I will believe I'm in a smaller size. But...
~I used to wear a size 26 jean~ ~Now I'm a size 20~
Will I always have this 'fat girl' mentality? A girl I knew once said "I'll always be the fat girl - no matter how thin I get. I"ll always be the one everyone expects to bring the cake." It was funny at the time, but looking back, I wonder if this is what keeps me from getting past this point. (I totally typo'd that and put "pint" which is pretty spot on if we're talking about ben and jerry's chubby hubby. ;) Ahhhh, never again!
I keep getting to ALMOST -50 lbs and then gaining it back. Here I am at a 49 lb loss and freaking out, terrified I am going to backslide. When I lost 70 lbs in 2004, the -50 lb mark is kind of where I started to have identity issues. You start to wonder who you are if you aren't the fat girl that frat boys throw apples at.
I think I'll be okay this time though. I don't think I have any idea who I am beyond this point and every lb I lose from here on out will just be a discovery. It's like peeling away layers of an onion. Only it's fat. ;)
This helps put things in perspective, since the mirror tells LIES! haha.
Have any of you who have lost any significant weight gone through an identity crisis like this? What was it like? How are you overcoming/have overcome this?