Beyond Willpower

So, I noticed my weight fluctuating WAY too much on my old scale, I KNEW it was being FAR too kind. If a scale can 'be kind'. Anyhow, I bought a new one, and so now I see my old one was WILDLY off, and I have no idea how much I weighed at the start of the month or how much I've lost, realistically. I know I have dropped a pant size and that is usually like 15-20 lbs. So, I've probably lost about that much since before xmas. Starting fresh, I'll weigh in next week with results from this new scale. Gah!

I have lost 6 lbs this week. I may have actually lost more than 3 last week, and less than 6 this week, but my scale needed the batteries changed, so overall since the 1st of the month, regardless of how or when it happened, I have lost 9 lbs. The only thing I didn't stick with 100% was the keeping eating to a 12 hour window. But I'm working on it! I"m still going strong on not eating out which is probably the main thing that is helping me. I ate out WAY too much. Also, I now have so much more money! Hahaha. Damn shame all the money I wasted eating out! That's money I could have used on make up or skin care! :P Anyhow, just wanted to post a little updated. -9 lbs. Woot. Also, I am completely off the abilify now. Wooooooo!

"I'm scared of flying while fat," I told my friends when I was planning a trip from Pittsburgh to Denver in October of 2016. It was to be my first time on a plane, and I had heard all abou t Kevin Smith's problems with Southwest Airlines . There is the obvious fear of my ample hips spreading into the seat next to me, and some poor unsuspecting fellow passenger being assaulted by my fat spilling onto them. The fear of being told to buy a second seat, that I probably couldn't comfortably afford was real. Should I buy a second seat to begin with? I did decide to spring for the slightly larger seats in the front on a Frontier Airlines flight. The anxiety leading up to the trip was palpable. I scoured the internet for stories about people's experiences of flying while fat. People who felt as if they had been crammed into a sardine can, pictures of squished thighs and disgusted and disgruntled fellow passengers, offended by the amount of space their fat fello...

So, I have kept up with my challenge! I've taken breakfast and lunch to work every day this past week. I've structured my life so I wouldn't get too hangry and eat out if I'm stuck out. I'm going to start bringing granola bars with me, in case of emergency.  I haven't eaten out in a week and I have been watching my portions and not snacking mindlessly (for the most part!) and I have lost three lbs this week! Joey mentioned reading about a study of people who only ate within a 12 hour window every day and they lost 5% of their body weight after so much time, without making any other changes to their diet other than that 12 hour window. So, I am putting a 12 hour window rule on myself, yet another small change that will hopefully, along with the rest, pay off in a big way. I plan to start exercising in the spring. Hopefully by then I'll be a bit smaller and it will be a bit easier, along with warmer, so I can go on walks. :) Starting slowly.

Today, I bought a Happy Planner . Hopefully it will inspire or motivate me to read more, to keep on track with my diet and eventual exercise, and I'm a big nerd and it has stickers and I'm totally a gold star kinda girl. It's also lovely. :) Goals for 2018 (not only weight/diet related):  first 100 days of the year is a challenge to NOT eat out at restaurants Lose 30 lbs before my trip to Denver in April. Start a regular exercise routine Start walking home from the bus stop (in the spring!) Travel more Read one book a month. (I miss reading!) Continue doing slam poetry, no matter how nerve wracking it is Write more Stay stable enough and on top of things enough for my doc to write me 3 month scrips I'm sure I'll think of more later, but that's where I'm at for now!

Wasn't even thinking how close to the new year I was when I made that weigh in post. I gained the 2 lbs I lost from vegas while I was out of town for xmas. Too many cookies! :P It's fine though, Joey and I start  our journey 'to health' today and no looking back! I imagine it's going to be easier than ever as I'm almost off abilify. I know from past experience all it takes is no weight gaining meds and a bit of motivation and it'll come off. It has before. Then, time to tackle the issue of keeping it off. Let's get there first though. I'm thinking of doing one of those 100 day challenges. I'm planning a vacation for exactly 100 days from now, I will be flying, I'd love to fly a good bit smaller. Flying while fat is a pain! I think we will do a challenge to not eat OUT at a restaurant for 100 days. Will post back here with progress!